Welcome to my class. Everyone please take a seat, no need to take attendance, I know your faces. Today, we are beginning with the base mechanics of corporate autodestruction.
Let's begin with a mega-corp... ohhh... like... let's say SEARS. 1st, hypothetically, we'll hire wall street hot-shot that has never dealt with a true service industry. His motto is "To Hell with customer satisfaction, gimme the MONEY!".
Next we'll sell low grade, poorly engineered and manufactured appliances at twice or three times the price and sell the suckers...oops...customers an insurance policy on the appliances that we'll only honor if they stick a 44 magnum to our crotch and start pulling the trigger.
3rd we'll lay off or fire the employees that are highly skilled and have longevity with the company, so we can pad our executroid's wallets and hire new people that have the combined intelligence quotient of a developmentally disabled golf ball and refuse to train them.
4th let's hire managers that have degrees from Satan's Managerial Institute so that they are all total cutthroat, backstabbing, maladjusted bastards that regard associates as just more stuff to wipe of of their shoes.
Finally, we'll lie to every customer, make false reports to the upper echelon, talk garbage about everybody, keep all the revenue for ourselves and use corporate funds to sponsor our golf games instead of having an employee Christmas party. Next week we'll continue with "How to destroy our customer base and still pad our bank accounts at the cost of the lower employees.".
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