Help me stop being a "Steady Betty"

A recent post here by The Corporate Cynic (The Expectations of "Theory Management") really hit home for me this past week. I have become a steady Betty and am ready to kick the habit but need some tips and support from all you schmobbers. Maybe even an intervention.

There are 4 people in my office (including myself) and a supervisor. One of the 4 people does exactly the same thing I do. Well, not actually, but we have the same role/position. Our work is done in repetitive 2 week cycles. One week is very busy and the other is not. During the busy week my actual work load is greater than my co-worker's. During the other week I run reports, file, respond to issues, research, etc.
During the busy week, my co-worker, who's work load is lighter, finishes her work early even though she takes many breaks to chat, surf the internet, talk on the phone with her children, family, friends, phone company, etc etc etc. During the slow week, it's nothing but the chatting, surfing, chatting, phone use...she is also very vocal in her many criticisms of other employees. She comes in late quite often, although not as much as she used to (she used to come in 20 minutes late or more every day). She never makes up the time during lunch or by staying late. While we have worked together, side-by-side for 5 years now, and had our ups and downs, we get along for the most part because for one thing, I let alot of irritations go. I'm not her boss and I'm not her keeper; it's not up to me to hold her accountable. The supervisor does not hold her accountable, and she doesn't hold herself accountable either, so it would be a losing battle even if I was so inclined to be the office police.
This past week has been a killer. I was out sick two days, and am still sick. Although I actually broke down and went to the doctor (which I rarely do), I was told it was just a sinus infection and told to take ibuprofen. Having had it before, I know I actually have bronchitis, which for me, turns into pneumonia the vast majority of the time. I would have stayed out of work longer, but it was the busy week, and because of a holiday shut-down next week, the deadlines were shortened. The three days I was at work, I worked straight through each day. All work - no chatting, no surfing, no nothing. I had too much to do. Yesterday my supervisor told me that if I didn't get my work done, I would have to come in on Monday, during the shutdown. My frustration had reached the limit and I quite rudely told her that I would not be coming in on Monday. I later apologized for sounding so rude but explained I was quite frustrated with the situation and perhaps the work load distribution needed to be addressed. Her response was to take some of my work and do it herself, staying late to do so (I had prior committments and could not stay). I got no response from my apology, my frustration, my request to have the workload distribution reviewed....and from past experience I know that the outcome of all that will be that I will look like a whiner and complainer, someone who can't finish my work, and the supervisor and her boss as well will pat her on the back for staying late to do my work.

I will be leaving this company sometime in the fall of 2008. I have to stay that long for certain benefits (college tuition for my son, who will graduate winter 2008). After that I will definitely be leaving because my husband is about to start a new job in a couple weeks at a company that is 3 hours away. He will commute/stay over until we can make the full move. My office is aware of this situation. I've never kept it a secret that I've always only been there for the benefits, even though it doesn't actually pay a living wage. So here is my specific issue: First I thought I would continue to carry my workload and say nothing about it, and let them figure out the issues of the areas of my responsibilities on their own after I'm gone (even though they already know I'll be leaving by the fall, this isn't the kind of company that plans ahead. It's likely they'll hire someone a couple weeks after I've actually left). The obvious drawback? Of course. I won't be there to see and enjoy the fallout. The other option is to manage to get rid of some of my excessive workload now, so I don't pay the continued personal price of stress and frustration. How do I force this while presenting an outward front of smiling cooperation? There is no purpose in presenting any other demeanor because any suggestions or criticisms I have ever voiced have been completely ignored, which only cultivates more frustration on my part. I think I'm capable of taking the Zen route here, at least for appearance's sake, but how do I get rid of some of my work? If I say I can't get it all done before the deadline, the supervisor will simply do as I wrote above - stay to do it herself. Is that the way to go? It doesn't matter to me any more that she gets the pats on the back that she does, so that's not the issue, but I would really like to avoid further criticism of myself at this point. All I want to do is lay low and lighten the workload and stress until I can leave.

I am so jealous of my husband's new job opportunity!!! He knows there's always something, whatever company you're with, but the new job offers more money, fantastic benefits, and lots of opportunity. He's leaving a company of back-stabbers and idiots. The co-workers who are any good at all and all his outside contacts are practically crying over his leaving. He's getting alot of kudo's (and free lunches because everyone wants to take him out) during his last couple weeks. So I'm listening to him shedding his load, sharing the nice comments, seeing how excited he is about the new job, while I'm feeling so low in spirit. I feel like I'm turning into two completely different people - the outside happy, nothing-is-bothering-me-TOO-much face, and the inner, depleted blob.

My current job means nothing to me, other than a means to my children's college education. Well, it means frustration. How can I make it easier on my self during the next nine months? (Hmmm...I could look at it as gestation period for my next, new phase of life...nah.)

Anyone?

POST A COMMENTHaveADamnNiceDay(12/22/2007)
Bookwoman! You poor kid! If you're leaving your job, take at least A MONTH off to just unwind. Take those 30 days one at a time. When you wake up in the morning, make yourself some tea and pancakes. Go to the gym. Read a book. Putter around in the garden or fuss over your plants. Watch a movie. Walk around the mall and window shop. Hang out at the book store. Collect unemployment!

In between my last job and my current one, I did a lot of these things. I was so centered and relaxed when it came time to interview for my next job. I didn't sweat it.
When you get a new job, TAKE AN HOUR LUNCH if they offer it. Don't EVER work through lunch or eat at your desk. And, most importantly, eat breakfast--that way you don't crash in the middle of the day.
Get your fuel. Get your rest. Unload your brain. Nobody will do it for you. You must give yourself a break regularly, and always remember the word NO.
Say it to anyone who wants to dump their work on you. Say it to your boss when they ask you to stay late for a project because they didn't budget enough time for it. Say no to anyone who interferes with your "you time", because there is so little time, and life's just too damn short.
It's just not worth the stroke or heart attack.

Wage Slave(12/23/2007)
A friend of mine is a surgical nurse. In her job she and another surgical nurse have to alternat preparing instruments for surgery. She said the other nurse is lazy and incompetent.

When it was the other nurse's turn to prep she forgot to lay out needed instruments. The surgeon in charge yelled at my friend even though it wasn't her turn.

Later my friend took him aside and said hey it wasn't even my turn to prep those instruments, the other nurse was responsible.

This surgeon told her, "I know. If you had 2 horses and one was lame and one would run which one would you whip?"

I suspect a lot of employers think this way. They leave the incompetents alone because they are stupid like a fox.

When was the last time that girl came in when she was sick, worked through lunch or was asked to come in on a day off?

Assert yourself! You shouldn't be doing two people's work. You have nothing to lose. If you are concerned over a reference, most employers only confirm that you worked for a former employer and the length of service.

Dumber than a Catbox Full of Sh*t(12/25/2007)
Bookwoman--I want to address what you said about your husband because I perpetually live in this boat. I have had the same crappy job for 3 years prior to marrying my husband and I have been married to him 15 years this January. I have really wanted to get out of teaching for about 5-6 years.

My husband in our years of dating/marriage--about 16 and a half years has had his own business (lost his lease) and at least 6 other jobs--some pretty darn good. I have always had to stay with mine due to the pay and benefits. The job he currently has--has had it for nearly 4 and a half years--he is the Golden Boy. I hear about this all the time. His Boss text-messaged him for X-mas and even wished him a blessed X-mas--mentioned religion and everything and the Boss is NOT EVEN Christian--that's how much they love him!!! The Boss is Muslim!!! The District Manager comes in periodically and loves him--all his co-workers look up to him and love him. His customers love him. Whereas I am treated like such crap on a regular basis by administration, parents and students.

This is how I have dealt with it:
1. My time will come. And when it does--I am first--my husband won't be able to deny me a thing.
2. My husband does not deny me a thing in terms of money I spend.
3. I make 3X what my husband does.My husband couldn't live on what he makes--I can and could have a great lifestyle.

4. A marriage is only as strong as its weakest link--this is info and fact that will be saved=up by you for when it is your turn.

It is good that both of you don't feel how you do--I've been in that boat too which makes it harder for me because then I have to worry about me getting fed-up and quitting AND worry about him getting fed-up and quitting and then it would be even more sh*t on my shoulders!
So in a sick way, Bookwoman--be glad that at least one of you is not miserable. You are the foundation--you have enough work keeping that strong (hanging-on until son graduates, etc...), what if you had to worry about the guy above(your husband) working on a weak foundation (you)? The whole house of cards could fall and then you would be in a worse place.

This may be a strange way to look at things but for me when my husband is fed-up, I just know the proverbial sh*t storm will fall on me.

Bookwoman(12/26/2007)
HADND - I love the idea of taking a month off - I never thought of that!! Maybe my name should "KeepingMyNoseToTheGrindstone." I will have alot to do as soon as I leave this job, what with moving and all. I do believe I will work some time off into my agenda!

Wage Slave - I loved "If you had 2 horses and one was lame and one would run which one would you whip?" That actually made me sit up and blink. While I don't feel like I am being whipped, I sure am allowing myself to carry the heavier load. I've been so uncertain how to get rid of it. Over this holiday break from work, I've gotten a couple forwarded joke emails from my supervisor...so I have been actually responding. "Thanks for forwarding. When we get back, please re-distribute such-and-such of my current work load." And variations of that theme. Since my supervisor is widely known for avoiding uncomfortable (for her) situations, I guess I'll just keep at her, unemotionally, relentlessly, politely, to take some of the work. I can't be a mule who just stops dead in its tracks, but I can balk. As I wrote above, I don't even care who does it, even if it's her at this point.

Catbox, I do count my blessings, as far as my husband goes. He has had a pretty crappy job for the past 4 years, what with the crazies where he works. HE should be on this site more than me. Example: he has flex hours. That means he works 8 hours from when he comes in, which sometimes is not until 9:30 a.m. (routine hours are 8 - 5). If he comes in at 9:30 and takes a lunch (doesn't always), he's there until 7 p.m. as a rule. He ALWAYS home pretty late. One morning a part-time co-worker (and I do mean part-time, beyond her usual Wednesdays off and short schedules other days, and the weekly vacation day(s) and sick day(s), she may work 2 days a week) screamed at him in the open office - yes, screamed - that he had not taken care of some order of HERs (while she was out), and that he was always coming in late, which was STEALING FROM THE COMPANY!!!! He was a THIEF!!!! That one sticks out in my mind, but really, it was business as usual at his current company. They're all nuts there. So, I am very happy for him for being able to leave. He really deserves something better. And I will say that he left his new job acceptance up to me. If I did not want to go through the move etc, he would not have taken the new position. He is probably the most considerate husband in the world, actually, in almost every way. I have been truly blessed. Especially since I am NOT always easy to live with...

All I want to do is not stress over the work load as my time shortens. I'd like to be a short-timer without the outward short-timer attitude. I love so many of the company employees outside my office that I deal with all the time, and I would never drop the ball in ways that would in any way negatively impact those wonderful people. I take care of them and they are so appreciative. Every holiday season our office receives a few goodies and they ALL come from MY people. Addressed to me. Incredible Edible Delights, cookie trays, heaps of homemade fudge, etc. Usually I share (although I did bring home the huge container of homemade pizelles). I get phone calls, invitations to lunch, invitations to participate in secretarial get-togethers...recently my one co-worker who does the same work as I, was stressing over her daughter's college acceptance letter (we work at a college). My co-worker has never taken the time, over the past 5 years, to build up her relationships, and now she had no one to call on campus to ask for assistance. I spend time cultivating and caring for people, and have some fantastic relationships. I can tell an employee something they do not want to hear (no, you did not earn double time for working on Sunday; you were overpaid for leave and it will be pulled back and your pay docked right after Christmas; that particular payment is taxed at a higher, different rate so your net is lower, etc), AND AT THE END OF THE BAD NEWS, THEY THANK ME!! That's if they even call me - they trust me and my accuracy. When I do get calls or emails, I respond IMMEDIATELY. I get calls/emails from people I don't even usually deal with, on issues I don't even normally handle, because I have a reputation for immediate response and answers - "I know you're the only one who will get back to me." I treat custodial employees with the same (maybe a little better) deference I offer to the VPs and faculty. Everyone is of value. Anyway, I called my people for my co-worker and now her daughter is getting in. Not that I got her daughter in, but I got the people who handle these things to pull the right paper out of the piles and look at them, and pay attention. They even called my co-worker to talk with her about the situation and what else could be done and when etc.
I do believe that when I leave some people will be crying. And I'll be one of them, in some ways. I almost think that's a part of my supervisor's issue with me. She has been here longer and knows a ton of people, some really high up folks, and I have built my own network and know some things she doesn't, or some things that she thought only she knew. She's not the only one with an inside track sometimes and that flummoxes her. And you know, I don't even care about all that. The relationships I've built up, anyone could. It's all in how you treat people. I would LOVE it if everyone had goodwill with everyone else. I love it when anyone has positive experiences and I celebrate those instances, whether it's mine or anyone else's. There's just so damn little to celebrate!!




dontask 0(12/30/2007)
Bookwoman;

These 9 months will pass just as long as you don't fall into the same trap at the next job. Unfortunately once you are identified as Steady Betty there is no way to change it. I have tried everything I could think of to have a heavy workload redistributed to no avail. Worse the reputation followed me. While it is true that a workplace will only confirm date and timespan in writing, phone conversations are another matter.
In the meantime let the supervisor help until she is tired of it. Chances are she will not change anything until you are gone.

Sometimes it is better not to share your future plans with the office or be upfront about the real reason for working there. That way they can't take advantage of you or ruin your dreams.

dontask 0(12/31/2007)
Catbox:

Hitting valid points here;
He is liked by everyone he comes in contact with, his insurance and other expenses are taken care of and he works for peanuts. Of course his boss loves him. What's not to like?

Happy New Year(12/31/2007)
12-31-07

POST A COMMENT»

JobSchmobber Community Comments