Get rid of 'em if they know where the bodies are buried.
Posted on 03/29/2006 by AsIfYouWish
Viewed: 613 times
My new boss assigned me the task of producing some very important reports on a weekly basis. Because she needed to review and disseminate them to have us use them in other aspects of our work, I would always be sure to take them to her office every Thursday morning. Without fail, she would sigh, look perturbed, roll her eyes, and tell me to "Put them over there," pointing to a basket atop a filing cabinet.
This went on for months, and the stack of untouched reports in that basket was eventually standing a good 2 feet high. At some point, she told me to "Just start holding onto them for me, I'll let you know when I want them." I complied, but grew increasingly worried because the information in those reports was not being utilized, which meant that laws were in danger of being broken. A couple of times I asked her if she wanted them yet, but she made it very clear that she didn't want to be bothered. Soon, I had a stack of these reports on the floor of my office almost waist high.
Sure enough, the day of reckoning eventually came. Out of the blue, my boss came storming into my office, demanding to know why I had not completed the reports. I pointed to the stack on the floor and said, "They're right here waiting for you." She demanded, "Why didn't you let you me know they were ready? I made myself very clear about the importance of these reports! Why were you hiding them?"
WTF???
My bewilderment quickly turned to understanding when I saw two suits standing in the hallway outside of my office door. Compliance auditors!
She continued to rant and rave and demanded that I help bring the reports to her office. I noticed that the stack on her filing cabinet was suddenly missing. She and the auditors locked themselves inside her office for the rest of the day.
At day's end, she came to my office and asked me if I had completed another project. I told her I had and handed it to her and she left. She came back about 2 minutes later and told me that an important form was missing. I told her I knew it was in there, I'd just added it a short time before and clipped it to the inside front of the folder. She accused me of lying, and I told her that while I perhaps may have been mistaken, I was certainly NOT lying!
The next morning, I came and was told that I was going to be fired for lying. I filed an immediate complaint with HR. They began a two week investigation.
In the midst of that, I had a day where I had a dental appointment. I came in at the end of the day to finish up some work. Everyone was gone except for my boss. I could hear her on the phone in the conference room an she was crying and talking to someone, whom I eventually discerned was her husband. I heard her say, "She's the one who knows I didn't review those reports and we're facing almost a quarter million in fines because I blew it!" She sobbed for a couple of minutes, then she continued, "Yeah, but if she's gone, they can't prove I actually dropped the ball, can they?" Then she kind of sobbing/laughed and said, "So you're basically saying get rid of 'em if they know where the bodies are buried. Well you know I will. I'm not throwing away a 17 year career over this...trust me, she's gone, whatever it takes!" I knew I was toast.
However, it didn't turn out that way. I wound up with a written reprimand for "lying" and "withholding reports." When I appealed, it was denied and I was told that "We must be able to trust you when you say you did something." She did indeed try very hard to get me fired, but Legal wouldn't let her...she simply didn't have enough evidence besides her word that I had done anything wrong. She wound up getting a wrist-slap lateral transfer. Turns out, guess who's husband works in the management discipline unit of the company? How conveniently beneficial for her.
I occasionally see her in the halls or I may answer the phone when she has reason to call our department. Her first words to me are invariably the same. "Oh...you're still here." My mouth is bloody raw from biting back all the comebacks that are on the tip of my tongue! Despite stellar work, top-notch performance reviews and continuing my education, I've lost two promotions because of that severe reprimand in my file.
POST A COMMENTDharmadee(03/29/2006)
I agree with Thelma-you survived the fallout, but you will not go anywhere in this company, especially if SHE is still there (and her husband too?). But yes, you should definitely use the line about the bodies being buried-just to see her squirm. Nasty, lazy b---c!
cnubelevit(03/30/2006)
You gotta love people like that. Just remember: give anybody enough rope and they'll hang themselves.
SouthernProgrammer (03/29/2006)
> Her first words to me are invariably the same. "Oh...you're still here. > The next time she says this, look her dead in the eye and say either "I know where the bodies are buried" or "Are you reading those reports.....NOW?"
Strange Brew (03/29/2006)
Yeah - SP has the right idea. But also, maybe you can leave little post-its on her desk that say "I know what you did last summer with the reports - NOTHING". That is terrible!
thelma (03/29/2006)
Don't you have email? Couldn't you have emailed her the reports in addition to giving her a hard copy? So when she said you didn't give them to her, you could have said you e-mailed them and have a date/time stamp on each email. CYA at all times.
SouthenProgrammer (03/29/2006)
From my book of "Getting Even". Do a GOOGLE on automated-fax back and collect a few numbers. A fax back system will allow you to call in and request a document and have it sent to a fax machine number. I can't find my list now but what you can do is go through the process of "ordering" a document and put in someones phone number. If you do it on enough systems you can tie up their phone for an hour. The phone will ring for an hour and all they will get is a fax tone.
thelma (03/29/2006)
Another thing, why are you still working there? They passed you over twice; take the hint and leave. It's there loss. If they want people like your former boss working there, let them have them. Find someplace that appreciates and rewards honest workers.
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