Posted on 03/14/2006 by Ms. Incommunicado
Viewed: 659 times
We just found this site. And this story has made our little crew here giggle for the past few months.
A backgrounder: We have one of those bosses who really is never happy with anything. She's in her 60s and complains about the lack of sex in her life, etc... way too much information we never want to know that leads to her overal dissatisfaction. Needless to say, we always make an attempt to make her happy (as it obviously makes our lives much better in the context of a SMALL office)...this is even more the case around Christmas.
So being the "veteran," I was charged with the duty of finding the gift not only for her from the staff, but also from the board of directors. What to get a woman who is never happy with anything, but seemingly has EVERYTHING?
Upon return from a convention, she spent about ten minutes obsessing over this massage contraption she'd seen...how amazing it was for her feet...made her back feel great... it went on and on. When she handed me a list of leads from the show, she "inadvertantly" forgot to remove the brochure for the massager.
A few weeks later as we attempted to determine what would make the BEST and EASIEST gift (like I wanted to spend a whole day shopping for just HER), we (the staff of 4 others) determined that the $260 massager was the best option from both the board and the staff. Great, I ordered it, everyone pitched in $20-$30 bucks, and we were done.
The Christmas party rolled around and gifts were opened. We opened our usual supply of canned ham (spam, the first year I worked here), first-aid kits, travel-sized lotion, some jewelry (some nice, but the best was the 1/2" herringbone gold necklace she gave us... we don't really qualify under the "gangsta" category.
She opens her gifts and says how much she loves everything.... I'd also picked up a matching scarf and hat set and a scented oil set.... everything's hunky doory....or so we thought.
Monday rolls around and she pulls me into her office. She consequently advises that she already has a massager, and why didn't i know that? Her daughter-in-law had bought her one last year for Christmas. "What do I plan to do about it?" she wants to know. "You will need to return it and get something else."
Excuse me? A co-worker later points out, if a bride receives a gift she doesn't want for her wedding, does she then charge the gift giver with returning it and providing her with something else?
The story gets better. I can't return it. There's a no-return policy. So she tells me to sell it and get the money for it. Maybe then she can find something she actually "wants." So I post it on craigslist. No response. She starts talking about it to the rest of the staff, advising that I should have known she already had a massager. Why didn't we pay attention to the things she said she wanted (some of which included the scarf-hat set). Oh, it goes on and on, and if the others sign on, they can tell you, but it was insane. At one point, she complained to a coworker because she thought I'd spent $10 on her scarf and hat set at Kohls, when it was really $50 from Macys. Are you kidding me?
When I heard this, i provided her with a receipt of the scarf and hat. If she was so tacky to go through all of this, it wouldn't be beneath her to return that as well after she'd worn it twice. Upon doing this, she advised me (in an email) that I "..need to get over this. We are over a week into the New Year and I haven't given this issue one single thought since it happened."
Funny thing was, she introduced the following at the next staff meeting...
CEO/Executive Director Christmas Gift Policy
Guidelines:
1. No money from the Board of Directors should ever be combined with money from the staff to purchase the CEO’s Christmas gift.
2. Staff members should donate no more than $2-$3 each.
3. Board members should donate no more than $10.00 each.
Procedure:
1. The Administrative Assistant will ask the CEO what he/she wants or needs for Christmas.
2. The Administrative Assistant will then speak with the Association President at the annual convention or shortly thereafter about the wants/needs of the CEO.
3. The Administrative Assistant will send an email over the signature of the Association President to the Board of Directors asking for donations of no more than $10.00 to purchase a gift for the CEO.
4. Checks should be made out to ***** and sent to the attention of the Administrative Assistant no later than December 10.
5. The Administrative Assistant will include the donations with the daily check log.
6. The gift will be purchased using the company credit card.
**************
I hope someone who reads this gets as big of a giggle out of this as we did.
POST A COMMENTcorporateSlave(03/14/2006)
OMG. That is the most absurd thing I've ever heard. Hilarious, but absurd! I think wehn you write our your check ou should write, "MERRY FREAKIN CHRISTMAS" in the memo line. Thanks for sharing! I just read it out loud to one of my coworkers (who had a look of shock on her face the entire time).
just me(03/14/2006)
Welcome to the site. We're the best coworkers you'll ever have! =) Holy canolli. The nerve of that woman! Guidelines for Christmas gift giving??? Way to take the spirit out of it. You were really nice and thoughtful and she pissed all over you. Next year you should hand her a lump of coal and the cheapest bottle of Peppermint Schnapps you can find to wash it down with.
Ms. Incommunicado(03/14/2006)
Oh goodness, it still makes me giggle. AND, for the record, I would have been DEVASTATED had it not been for the three other WONDERFUL WOMEN with whom I work to help me keep perspective on it!
RedStapler(03/14/2006)
Do they make Scrooge bobble heads - cause that's what she deserves next Christmas!
TheNewGuy(03/14/2006)
Now that's funny...reminds me of the saying what do you get the person who has everything?
cnubelevit(03/14/2006)
May I suggest, for next Christmas,"The Professional Executive Anal Arthropod Extraction Kit" from Ronko. (Send 19.95 if you want it or 29.95 if you don't to...)
NOSEPICKENREDNECK(03/14/2006)
someone needs to give it to her in the butt!
Corporate muzzle(03/14/2006)
This is so funny. Does this go on your evaluation? It was noted one Halloween on my evaluation because I didn't come to work in a costume. Go figure.
HaveADamnNiceDay(03/15/2006)
Next Christmas, Send your boss a dollar-sized peice of paper that looks like a check, and put "REALITY" in the amount line. Put the boss's name on it and "Merry Freakin' Christmas" in the "for" line (lovin' that, Slave!) Box it up and give her THAT for christmas!
The Surreptitious One(03/15/2006)
We keep each other sane when she pulls her crap! It surely makes the job easier that we are all baffled by the things she does or says!
Thelma(03/15/2006)
Wow, I'm so glad I never had to work anywhere where I had to pitch in/purchase a gift for anyone. For Secretary's Day, we throw $3-5 each in the pot and give her cash. No other gift giving is suggested/required.
you're over(03/16/2006)
i took a former boss out to lunch & gave him a new logo jacket of his favorite baseball team just to say thanks for being cool at work but then was nowhere when i was let go for making the rest of the staff look bad. another instance: i gave an autographed item of my former boss's fave nfl quarterback (worth about $100) just to say hey i'm here when you need me. i remained part time while morons off the street got full time gigs over me. at least i stuck it to him...took another full time job down the street & left the old job with 1 day notice just before a busy Xmas season! happy holidays jerk!
HaveADamnNiceDay(03/16/2006)
At least you guys actually remember secretaries' day. My bunch (except for ONE very thoughtful person) never even blinked at their calendars. So, I conveniently forgot Boss's day. A caveat to anyone who thinks they have a cool boss: It doesn't pay to show them any appreciation. They are gutless yellow-bellied chickens and they'll take your gifts, but they'll turn their back on you the moment something bad happens. I'd rather be friends with an angry badger....At least the badger smells better....
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