Posted on 10/14/2006 by single faced
Viewed: 247 times
I'm sharing this story for educational purposes. The words are truth from my perspective, but never underestimate the power of our mind and the depths of it's journey. We speak, learn, see and feel all in relative terms. We are emotional being living in a logical world.
My story begins with the hiring of a young lady named Beth to the department I supervise. The atmosphere is noisy, dirty and crowded. With a dozen employees working with and for me, it's not easy communicating. I am fairly new to this atmosphere myself and been trying to put together a team that works well together.
This young lady, Beth, came to work on the suggestion of a few friends of hers. Two weeks into the job, they ( Beth's friends ) became upset at one of my crew leaders, claiming he was playing favorites with other employees. They walked out just before lunchtime, but called me an hour later to see about getting things changed and their jobs back. We all talked and I decided, against my crewleaders suggestions, to let them come back. A couple months past with the typical gossip and nagging that some would expect in an atmosphere like this with 6 women and six men all working together.
During this time it was not unusual for some causual flirting to take place. it was even pointed out to me how much Beth was flirting with me. For the record, she was 23 at the time, the same age as my daughter, so I didn't put much thought into the situation and was happy that everyone was working well together.
The day came when we hired another attractive lady named Stacy who was in her mid-thirties. I was beginning to think that the HR department had it in for me. A few weeks past without incident, but I could sense that something was wrong. Then one of ladies told me that Beth was jealous of Stacy and was mad at me for not paying her enough attention. To shorten a long story, Beth went as far as to tell me, "I'd better be nice to her because she's got stuff to tell on me". I'm sorry, I don't take threats very well!
Before the end of the day, Beth went to the HR department. I conducted business as usual until the next day when I was called in and informed of the informal charges against me. This sparked a full investigation which means everything anyone said, whether out of context or not was written down and put under a spotlight for review. Just when you think you have arrived at a place in your life when you think you understand the people around you, look out! I admit I am no angel, but harassment defined by any reasonable person, in this case a reasonable women, does not fit the charges brought on by this unstable person. What's frightening to me and my superiors is the control Beth has over other people around her.
I was suspended from work for three days for improper behavior, after a photograph was summitted of me hugging her after work one day. I was asked, "why was I hugging her"? It was by her request!
Look and you shall find... whatever you want to see, it will appear that way! There are two sides to every coin, neither having more value then the other...
POST A COMMENTFreedomringer(10/15/2006)
It goes to show you how manipulative some people can be to get what they want. Scary! I have had things I have said and done, taken out of context before and it is very disheartening and hard to fight. After that happend, I remember that everything I say or write could be considered a threat or harrassment. This makes working with anyone difficult because you can not be yourself, you have to be a robot. Your not allowed to have feelings or opinions, which is fine by me. I keep my personal life out of work. I dont hang around the people I work with after hours or go drinking with them, nothing. It is very hard to make good solid friends but I have found out the hard way several times that you can not trust the people you work with or for. It is a very hard and cold world, and I am sorry for all those who have put up with stuff or have been accused of things that they have not done. It is good to vent because it is not healthy for a person to keep it bottled up inside. Best wishes!
blola(10/15/2006)
I'm confused! The world is logical and this happened to you? Did you hire Beth or did HR? You say it is not unusual for casual flirting to take place in your department - did you participate? If informal charges were brought against you, why have you been suspended for 3 days if all HR has is a photo of you and Beth hugging? You obviously have a position of power since Beth and her friends walked off the job and you allowed them to return. There are always two sides of the coin (and sometimes more) but, one definitely has more value than the other; the truth. Having been pounded myself by untrue allegations which has left me disabled because I do not know how to play these games. I, too, would like to know how Beth is able to wield such power at the age of 23. She does not sound unstable, but rather confident and calculating and able to zero in someone else's weakness (or acts of kindness.) By the way, what did you mean that HR is out to get you when they hired Stacy? This is a very interesting story.
Dharmadee(10/15/2006)
I am confused about a couple of things. 1) Why did you place this story under the thread for "Bosses from Hell". Wouldn't the "Boss" in this case be ...you? 2) Why do you consistently reference a coin having two faces, and yet, your moniker indicates that you believe YOU in fact only have a "single" face. I am not trying to psychoanalyze you (much), but these things seem to indicate that you are having a difficult time "facing" an issue...but your subconcious voice is trying to tell you something different from your "cover story". Do you really think H.R. had something "in" for you by hiring attractive women? Is it possible that you are trying to "shift" blame? Women have a right to be atractive, without being perceived as a problem. Many men do find women as young as their daughters sexually attractive, there is no need to apologize about that. The question is about your actions, and no one can really know the truth about that but yourself. Could it be that this whole episode is an opportunity for you, to take stock of your life and your motivations, and dare to make some changes? The very fact that you are questioning these events leads me to believe that you have a desire to honest with yourelf. This is a good thing (really!) There are plenty of people who spend their whole lives unwilling to ask the tough questions. I hope you are not offended by this, I honestly have the intention to help, as I can tell you are confused. Don't be afraid to be honest with yourself; in the end, that is all anyone has. Good luck.
single faced(10/16/2006)
I apologize for cutting much of the detail out of my story. Not having all the details can be the same as speaking with broken english. I will try to answer all of your questions, but may have to finish at another time. blola: We are now living in the digital age. Digital, meaning 1's and 0's, logistics, black and white, either your with me or your against me and leave your feelings at home. This is not my view personally, it is the corporate world's view. This wouldn't have happened to me if in fact we could leave our feelings at home. HR does all the interviewing and hiring. Did I participate in flirting? Viewed from a logical point, yes I did. The 3 day suspension was for improper behaviour after the picture was summitted with a story that claimed I kept putting my hands on her. Yes I have a position of power that allows me to hire, fire, promote and assign job detail. But that power is nothing compared to the legal ramifications of a sexual harassment charge, no matter whether it's true or faults. I share a different view of a coin, one side being equal to the other. Equal in value not meaning equal as the same as. The practice of empathy allows me to see others in this same way. What's true for me doesn't mean it's true for you... When Stacy came in to interview my boss saw her and later told me that HR must have it in for me. Meaning, with some experience in this work environment women can become pretty "cut throat" with each other. One last detail is she was transfered to another location where she had reportedly started the same thing with her new boss. She is now gone.
blola(10/16/2006)
Thank you, SF, for your honesty. Good luck!
Dharmadee(10/16/2006)
Thanks for taking the time to clarify the situation. I see that you are a decent person, trying your best in the very difficult workplace environment of today. This is still something of a wake-up call for you, I believe. I can attest to you that there are some very cut-throat women out there, as I myself became a victim of one. While you are to be commended for your desire to be fair and evenhanded, you must realize that there are plenty of others that will not extend the same courtesy to you. It came as a shock to me, that there were certain people, especially women (and I am sad about that), who will literally stop at nothing to get what they perceive to be the "upper" hand. Hope you can get through this without further repercussions. I am also glad to hear that for once, a troublemaker got her due.
single faced(10/17/2006)
Dharmadee: First there isn’t a special place for bosses to complain about subordinates and from what I have already read here I assumed this story would allow people to see things from another point of view. In this story I did not complain about my boss even though I did not feel one once of support from them. Correction: I have referenced a coin having to sides, not having to faces. The single face moniker came from the notion that so many people walk around with a mask of confidents and self-assurance when they are actually scared out of there minds. People want to be liked so much that they develop a two faced attitude towards others. I believe we all have issues to face; some have learned to welcome challenges because they are opportunities waiting to reveal themselves. My reference to the two attractive women means nothing more then they were the center of this whole situation, one becoming jealous and one being more mature then the other and “managing her own business” as I refer in our no more drama club. I find the psychoanalyst part unusual because most psychologist require more then one meeting and a lot more details before coming to any conclusion about how one might view him or herself. Even though I have been slandered publicly, I refuse to stoop to the level if fighting back. Thanks for the comments… -Al
SouthernProgrammer(10/19/2006)
> Beth was jealous of Stacy and was mad at me for not paying her enough attention. To shorten a long story, Beth went as far as to tell me, "I'd better be nice to her because she's got stuff to tell on me". > Interesting, It sounds like Beth was setting herself up to be your girlfriend and thought she could slack off. Then, she felt threatened. I have been in several work situations where I worked with a department that consisted of men and it was great. Then, a woman gets put in the mix and the dynamics changed. Ladies, I do not mean you are not capable of working but men AND women can both be idiots at work when mixed with the opposite sex. I wonder how Beth would have behaved with a female boss?
WalkingInMyOwnShoes(10/19/2006)
Changed her sexual preference if necessary. I kid you not, I have seen it happen.
single faced(10/19/2006)
Thanks for the additional comments. I was hoping to hear from someone who has experienced the dynamic issue of men and women working together in groups of six or more. I hope the readers out there are mature enough to except that people, regardless of sex, skin color, etc... have abilities and talents that set them apart from any other person on this planet. Beth had issues that I was not aware of when we first met. After the allegations were made, Beth's friends put distance between them and now there is only one that stayed on while the other's quit.
Dharmadee(10/20/2006)
I have to say-I have seen this happen too (sexual preferences changed). The sad truth is, there is always someone out there who is willing to do or say just about anything, to get ahead, or at least to feel that they are winning. People who do not operate with that agenda are usually caught off guard.
SouthernProgrammer(10/20/2006)
More years ago then I care to say - I worked in an agency that had remote offices and my job was to drive around to each site and check the network (this was WAYYYY before telecommuting) and the top of the line 286 Desktop PC's. I worked with a guy who I barely got along with (not my fault, he did not get along with ANYONE). Then, our Bose was let go due to alcholism as he refused to get treatment (years later - found dead). So, they gave us a new LADY boss who was primarily in charge of another area and after all our department wasn't that important. I will say, I liked our new boss and she was extremely intelligent. I still rank her as one of the sharpest people I ever worked for. Our new boss NEVER went out on calls like our old one did (even though he was useless as he was drunk) so we had to hire a new person. The requirements were you had to have some computer knowledge and be able to life up to 50 lbs. We interviewed a couple of young guys who seemed capable and made a choice and turned it in. Days AFTER the interview and AFTER the job was closed. Our boss got a call from a friend who wanted to help the daughter of a friend of ours get a job and....you guess it... our boss thought it would be cute to hire a girl to "balance out the group". The new hire seemed bright enough, but my co-worker INSTANTLY took a shine to her and had her travel with him to every call. It was useless hiring her as the work load was still divided between me and "these two" as he would NEVER let her travel alone and our Boss was too busy to pay attention. At least until the inevitable happened and my co-worker made a move on the new-hire. HR was called in, she decided to drop the incident and left. So, it was decided to keep sending the "two men" out on calls BUT to hire us a secretary. They hired a sweet 19 year girl as a secretary and AGAIN, my co-worker made a move on her but this time his advances were not turned down and they were caught in a compromising situation by the boss while I was out. I finally left, I couldn't stand the atmosphere. The point is, sometimes men and women just can't work together.
HaveADamnNiceDay(10/24/2006)
SoPro, I so agree. Sometimes It's hard to get the two sexes to think of other things besides sex. However, I really do think (see some of my other comments on gender issues) that women in the workplace are hard to get along with. I, being a woman, can definitely see this going on, and it really makes us look bad. There are a handful that are spoiling it for all of us. There are also a sharp few who are able to rise above the catfighting and take on challenges with a mature and disciplined attitude. However, having worked in environments where there were more of either gender, I can say that personally, (having been raised by my single dad) I prefer to work with men. Women can really complicate things, because they do silly things like expect you to notice them when they cut their hair or buy a new shirt, and they have this wierd notion that you're supposed to read their minds. Also, they take personal offense if you don't say good morning when you see them walk in the door. Unfortunately, they carry it with them into the workplace. It's easier for men to separate their feelings from their job primarily due to the difference in brain structure. Did you know that men think with one hemisphere at a time, while women use both at the same time? It allows us to multitask and is probably a reason why we talk so much, and probably our driver for creating drama ^_^. I'm sorry we complicate thing so much. We just do. (I try not to, but I keep catching myself acting like a woman, and doing some of these silly things too)
HaveADamnNiceDay(10/24/2006)
Just to clarify, I'm not a fan of flirting in the workplace, by the way! Even when I was not with anyone, I didn't do it. It's just wierd.
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