The Southern View

Corporate Cynics post about the stress interview made me think about some truly remarkable interviews I have conducted over the years...

At my last job, I worked as a programmer and also worked at the network administrator.   The two jobs were very demanding and I asked my boss for some help.  At the time, certified network engineers were quite expensive so it was decided I would continue with the network duties and they would hire a programmer to take over my programming tasks which centered around a manufacturing control system.

The job was no sooner posted when HR pulled the position until the next fiscal year which would be in four months.

A week later I got a frantic call from one of the HR recruiters, she had flown in a person from another state to interview for the position and had forgotten that the job had been pulled!   She wanted me to take the poor guy through a 'token interview'.

So, I met with the poor sap and walked him around the building and explained what we did and what the job duties required.   I was glad the job had been pulled because this guy was smirking during the entire 'interview' and even stopped me at one point to say "Look, I know I have the job because the HR rep wouldn't have flown me out here otherwise.  You can quit trying to sell me!"   I told him "Ok" and thought "Boy will YOU be in for a surprise"

The job was eventually posted again and I interviewed an exceptional person who was a college graduate and did programming for the National Guard as well as running their network.   This guy was exceptionally bright and we hit it off immediately, I was very excited as I could see us working together and we could also back up each others job function!

I no sooner had interview this guy when I was asked by our HR rep ('Sherry') to interview another candidate.   When I met the candidate I knew I had seen her before...she was the CLEANING WOMAN that I had seen cleaning desks and emptying trash cans!

I AM NOT KIDDING YOU!!!!!!

She did not have a resume so I began asking about her experience, I asked her had she ever programmed with Cobol before and she looked at the computer screen through
bi-focaled lenses while smacking her gum and said "Is that anything like Windows?  I've heard my Grandson talk about that!  I could probably pick that up!" 

I managed to finish up the interview and walked her back up front and then RAN to my manager and said "What was THAT all about!"  He waved his hands and said "I heard! I heard!"
Sherry wants us to hire her in order to get a woman hired! 

I told him there was NO WAY I could recommend this person over my ideal candidate and if another woman was needed perhaps Sherry could hire her to be an HR Recruiter!

Again, the job listing was pulled by HR.

A few years later I am still working two jobs and I now have a woman manager who asks me which job did I prefer.  I told her I preferred programming so she puts out an ad for a network administrator.

A few weeks later she asks me to accompany her on an interview, as we were walking she handed me the resume to look over.

Hmm...ex-military!

To set the scene up let me describe my ex-boss:  She was a laid back quiet hippy type that would have been perfect during the 60's, she was (is) extremely bright and always carried a coffee cup around.   She was a very effective manager however because she was very fair to people who worked for her (myself and others) and we showed our appreciation by working our butts off.

My boss led me to a conference room where a VERY large man was sitting.  I don't mean large as in fat, I mean large as in the biggest man I had ever seen who was crammed into a suit and was sitting ramrod straight staring straight ahead with his arms at his side and a briefcase on the table in front of him.

As soon as we walked in he stood straight up as if he had been poked with a fork.

The moment he jumped up my boss stopped as if she was getting ready to run, she actually spilled her coffee but managed to stammer out "Uh...you can sit down".

With an audible WHUMP, the big guy sat down and stared straight ahead. 

I grinned, this guy was going to be fun!  

As I sat down next to the Incredible Hulks big brother my boss sat on the other side of the table, she nodded to me to indicate she wanted me to start asking questions.

"So...", I began, "I see you JUST GOT OUT of the military.."

"SIR! YES SIR! I WAS IN THE MILITARY FOR 18 YEARS" the candidate barked out while holding his arms at his side.

My boss jolted as if she had been shot and I began looking around to see if there were any hidden camera's as this HAD to be a joke!

No camera's?   I began to worry a little and wondered if this guy had been trained to kill with a briefcase...

"Uh..ok" I continued, "So I see you have some network experience.."

"SIR! YES SIR!  MY JOB WAS TO JUMP OUT OF HELICOPTERS AND RUN CABLE OVER TREES IN ORDER TO SETUP A COMMAND POST CONSISTING OF OUT TELECOMMUNICATIONS SYSTEM AND
OUR NETWORK SIR!"  bellowed our easy going candidate.

At this point my boss looked as if she was hyperventilating but I was really enjoying myself.   This guy could be fun!

"So, uh we work with a lot of engineers here who sometimes have their own way of doing things, how would you get along with a group like that" I asked.

At this point, our candidates head slowly turned to me and he leaned over...I swear I heard his seat creak and he got right into my face.

"I usually don't have a problem getting other people to see things my way" he whispered in a low menacing tone.

At this point my boss leaped in and said "Ok! Thanks for coming!  We'll contact you!" and ran out of the room.  I managed to escort 'Sgt Slaughter' back to HR and ran laughing back to my boss!

"Lets hire him!" I told her, "I want him to take out engineering first!"

Unfortunately she wouldn't approve of me hiring him....