Posted on 09/03/2005 by Getting Sick
Viewed: 847 times
Hi,
I have a somewhat unusual situation at work. My husband is co-owner of a small construction company. He has a partner who is semi-retired, and the partner's son has come "on board" to take his father's place. The son has no ownership as far as stock or authority over financial decisions (he does have input). Anyway.....the company's long-time secretary passed away last year and I was filling in until they found a replacement. I found I liked working there and others were very pleased with my performance. I was offered the position as office manager and accepted. My big problem is the young man (son) resents my being there. He constantly tries to make my job difficult by not presenting work in a timely manner and "loosing" files, etc. But, the worst part of his behavior is that he feels it is perfectly fine to yell at me whenever he has had a tough day. He screams and puts me down with desparaging comments. He has been warned against doing such, but continues on his "bad days" to take his anger out on me. I know the real reason behind these outbursts is that he resents my being there because I am "the boss's wife". Honestly, my performance is excellent and I go way beyond my job description. I also work between 10 - 12 hours per day without compensation and without complaining. This young man is terribly insecure and is threatened by my presence. Yesterday, he screamed at me for something quite trivial and I asked him to stop treating me as such. He said, "Things were a lot better around here before YOU, and he emphasized YOU, ever came here.....why don't you quit?"
I am exhibiting a lot of physical problems from working with this young man. My dilemna is that my husband has come to depend on me and if I leave, it will put him in a tremendous bind, especially at this very busy time of the year. I am torn on whether to stay for my husband's sake, or to give in, and run as fast as I can in the opposite direction of this young man.
Thank you for listening. I would appreciate your comments.
UpfrontOrElse(09/07/2005)
Why don't you just put him on the spot and ask why he is such a jerk to you? Sometimes jerks don't realize how big of a jerk they really are...
wahm(09/10/2005)
Why isn't your husband doing something about this? Give me a break. You shouldn't have to put up with this your husband should be sticking up for you.
SouthernProgrammer (09/03/2005)
I wonder if there is some reason he is trying to run you off? That is very boorish behavior on his part to treat ANYONE in that manner let alone his fathers partners wife. I would dig in and not let him run you off, if he keeps it up just blast back at him.
Walk the Planks (09/03/2005)
SouthernProgrammer is right. You are not going to lose your job by firing back at him, so what have you got to lose? Don't do it in front of the office staff, though, if you can help it. Also, this guy is treating you badly and putting you down to make himself feel better. That is what he is getting out of it -- by making you feel small, he is making himself feel bigger, better and more powerful at your expense. He obviously feels bad that he has no ownership stock or real power in the company, that is the only power he feels that he has -- putting you down. Fight him on it and show him your strength, understanding why he is acting like such a jerk. He also might not like the idea of not having any of his own family around him for support. I don't know if you have replaced the secretary yet. You're the office manager, but why not let the partner's son hire the new secretary or have him hire a personal assistant of his own? This will give him a feeling of being important and powerful, which is why he's acting out at you, because he doesn't have any control there. It will also make him feel that he has someone in his corner at the office, giving him a new found confidant.
Walk the Planks (09/03/2005)
Also, if the partner's son is a naturally mean person -- he sounds like a bully -- his new assistant will be the one to have to deal with him and catch the brunt of it. It'll take a lot of the pressure off of you. It will also put some balance into the playing field, as far as both owners' interests are concerned.
Walk the Planks (09/03/2005)
Oh, and one more thing :) -- business isn't about friendships. It's nice if friendships are formed during the operation of a business, but business is about, well, running the business as smoothly and efficiently as possible and making money. Not everyone has to like you, and hey, that's okay. That's life. Not everyone will like one another -- people slam different companies all the time about all sorts of things. It's the way it is. Try to avoid an absolute scene, though, and be as professional as possible when and if you put the turkey in his place -- especially if clients or office staff are around. If your being there, present in the office interferes with the partner's son's ability to do his own job, to get his work done or with the operation of the business at all, then maybe it is time for you to leave. If none of the above apply to you, then stand your ground. The son has no right and he is out of line.
been there (09/06/2005)
I've stuck it out in a bad situation before and I won't do it again. My advice is to tell your husband exactly how you feel. Tell him you'll give him and his partner 3 months to improve the situation. If things don't get better, you will put in your resignation and work up to 1 month or until they find a replacement. Your health and marriage are not worth it. You deserve to work in an environment where employees are expected to be respectful of one another, and more importantly, live up to those expectations.
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