young woman = aggressive/needs to chill; older/male = authoritative
Posted on 10/01/2006 by the cynic
Viewed: 174 times
I'm currently working in a job where although I'm "the assistant," my job by description and training comes with a certain amount of authority. I'm not the boss, but I work for one, and during my training it was made very clear that I am responsible for following up on people's expense reports, making sure they send all their personnel documents to me so I can keep a file and process them, that they don't do any administrative work without telling me (because if they did, the monthly budget forecast numbers I submit would be off-kilter and then my boss could actually get in trouble).
I'm also responsible for my boss's Outlook calendar, and the training lady told me to go ahead and accept appointments for him unless they conflict; in which case I should ask. So I follow that procedure.
I don't intentionally step on any toes, and I'm not a bossy type of person. But I'm getting tired of my boss telling me to "chill," "relax," "stop hounding people," and "be patient" anytime I show any bit of the authority delegated to me. I feel like he wants a submissive little girl who will ask him before she takes a half step (which defeates the purpose of him having an assistant, since I'm supposed to take work OFF his plate, not force him to baby sit).
The woman who trained me, also an assistant, is older (over 50 I'd guess) and has a very assertive/no-nonsense personality. I like her. She encouraged me during the first week NOT to feel afraid to remind people once per week of upcoming deadlines for my forecasting, or to send a friendly reminder to keep me in the loop if they make a personnel decision or file something without my knowing.
And when this woman shows her authority or even "reminds" staff of something in a less smiley, kind, deferent way, everyone listens to her and my boss respects her. The same way when any male on the team does so.
Not so with me. For instance, a few weeks back, someone DID make a hire without letting me know, and I discovered the job posting online in a random check of the web site. No notification, no nothing. So trainer lady told me that "That woman needs to be "spanked hard," and you go for it and send an email reminding everyone of the assistants' role in this stuff."
So I send a friendly reminder to the staff, on trainer lady's suggestion, saying in the nicest tone possible, "I understand that I am new and that you may be used to doing things this way, but going forward please send all job postings to me." Trainer lady applauds me. Boss writes back IMMEDIATELY, telling me, "Excuse me. It takes individuals awhile to get used to change, so please be patient."
Trainer lady has sent these emails before, and the boss said "Sorry, I'll do it differently next time; thanks for advising," and SHE'S NOT EVEN HIS ASSISTANT. And her "tone" is much more harsh and "impatient."
This has continued. The other day I directed a personnel question to the person trainer lady told me to direct it to, HR. Somehow my boss gets wind of this and writes me a curt email: "As directed, please send all questions to me. Don't bother HR." (Note that I wasn't "directed" that way at all--he just felt like spanking me for being direct and working independently without his hand-holding. IN fact, during training I was directed NOT to bother him; instead to "take work off his plate" and use other channels).
When trainer lady sends directive emails or asks someone a question directly, the boss listens to her. He NEVER tells her to chill or "quit bothering people" (read: "Stop doing your job. Stop asserting yourself and ask my blessing for everything including picking your nose.").
And in another incident, he tells me to schedule a meeting. So I do so--the way I was trained--by setting up an Outlook meeting request. My boss sees this (while out of town), and actually CALLS ME saying, "You need to call each individual and ask if they can make it. How do you know everyone can make it? Don't order people to come to meetings; you go through me!" (Umm, no, meeting requests are not done by calling up 20 people to ask them. They're done via email and you can accept or decline the meeting).
Trainer lady had been setting up meetings for him for months without asking. Her boss doesn't even see his meeting requests. My boss THANKS her when she does this.
What is it about being young and twentysomething and female, that when you take even one step without asking the big guys first, you get told to shut up/stop/calm down, but when you're older or male, people respect your position and listen? How am I ever supposed to get anything done in this office before I turn 30 if every time I'm any bit directive instead of saying, "May I please maybe possibly do this" to the boss before making a move, I get in trouble?
Please note that the reason he hired me was to have someone to do this work for him; so that he could do his job during the day and not be bothered with the administrative stuff. He used to let Trainer Lady do this for him, until I arrived and now I'm supposed to do everything "through him."
I really don't think this guy understands the admin assistant's role, and instead thinks that I'm some sort of underling, or student, or high school volunteer, or something. And I'm not being bossy or mean to his staff in any way--often one of the underlings will thank me for my help, but the boss will tell me I stepped over my boundaries in providing that help (I'm not supposed to know the answers to anything). So it's definitely his issue, because I'm not despised among the whole staff or anything.
What do you guys think? Is it age, sex, or something else? I'm worried that if I stop being "Ms Nice Lady," then I'll get written up or let go, but if I continue being that way, then my boss will continue to take advantage of my soft nature and keep acting like my father (writing me emails about my "attitude" and "tone"). It's really hard to get my job done this way.
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