Posted on 08/18/2006 by the cynic
Viewed: 506 times
This will probably get me branded a whiner by trolls, but just wanted to vent.
I just started a new job as an administrative assistant for a big-time VP. He was nice in the interview, and they were nice when they hired me. He was out of town last week and I did all of his work long distance, and he indicated long-distance that I was doing a good job.
Since he returned, he has been nothing but condescending to me, to the point where every morning by 11 a.m. I feel like crying or taking a break or both. And he's very absentminded and has branded me guilty until proven innocent. He'll take a look at the work that's done, assume I've done it wrong, and then I have to play teacher-student and explain to him the admin's process to show him that yes Virginia, it was done right. he doesn't like that I'm a woman, younger than him, and an underling to him, and still able to correct him.
I have had 5 days of this routine this week:
Boss (yelling across 10 cubicles instead of using the chat program that's right there on his desk for this purpose): Cynic! This is done totally wrong!
Cynic: Boss, actually, that's not what I did. if you look again, I did it this way.
Boss: Oh.
Boss' underling: Cynic! Come here right now! You did this totally wrong!
Cynic: That's not what I did. Let me explain....
Boss: but I don't want it done that way. I want this, this and this (something that can't be done or is overwhelmingly petty busywork that none of the other admins have to do for their bosses).
Cynic: The system doesn't allow us to do it that way.
Boss: But it looks nicer and your way will hurt my budget!
We've gone on and on this week, and i still feel that he doesn't trust me to be a good secretary to him. I'm supposed to be helping him and taking work off his plate, which I am doing, but he insists on coming over and babysitting me every hour or so. I have my task pad list of "To Do" every day, and by 5:30 I always check it all off. I am doing my work. But no...he has to come by, "Why are you working on this? This isn't done yet." I have to explain to him that it's on my priority list.
It's gotten to the point where I'm not sure if he'll be approachable or not. Today he snapped at me about office supplies (because I didn't order them yesterday even though he just asked today), and uses an extremely condescending tone (sort of "smirking frat boy"--not quite Bush but close).
I am also set up to answer his phone lines. The other day, a phone rang (not ours), and he yells across 10 cubicles again, "Cynic! Good morning! Phone!"
Me: Uhh, that's not my phone.
Him: Oh, ok. I thought you were just sitting there not doing sh-- and ignoring my phone. My bad.
That hurt me because he hired me thinking I was a good worker, now he assumes I'm a little girl who won't "do sh--" unless I'm yelled at? Also, why can't he tell when his own phone or mine is ringing vs. someone else's?
I'm scared because this is a permanent job so there's no term length--either I stick it out or have to go somehwere else. Also, I plan to be here a few years and hopefully have a child while I'm working here, and I don't even want to think about trying to get family-friendly hours or maternity leave from this guy (even though the company prides itself on its family-friendly policies).
I just hope my yearly review doesn't go:
Boss: You haven't done this, this, this, or this--no promotion!
Cynic: Actually, I did......
Why am I being accused of shit I'm not doing? why is he assuming the worst about me already? Is it because I'm a woman, or a confident underling, or younger? Something else? Support please.
POST A COMMENTthe cynic(08/18/2006)
Probably not. But the thing is, that it didn't seem this way in the interview. We "interviewed each other," and I found out that his main pet peeve is when work is not done on time. I share the same pet peeve and assured him of it. He trusted me enough to hire me, and now all of a sudden he doesn't? This is crazy! Keep in mind I am the only woman on our team at this location; the rest are in another state. I am supporting 5 men all making over $150k. Maybe this is a case of "beat up on the lowly female underling?" I'm not an activist feminist, but I'm feminist enough to sense something's up here. Unless it's age, or personality, or something else. During the interview he also said I seemed nervous. Now, I'm not. Could that be it?
Jujubees(08/18/2006)
Maybe that's it, you are appearing to be a strong personality and the "men" probably don't like that. Maybe this job isn't right for you, I'd be definetly looking around ASAP.
Dharmadee(08/18/2006)
I think you have figured it out. If he is the smirking, condescending jerk i think he is, then his first impression of you as "nervous", meaning "insecure" is what he was looking for. (And yes, these guys have MILES of charm, when it suits them.) An insecure, yet intelligent young womis part of the package for him (and a lot of guys). The beauty of it is (for him), he will wind ups yelling at you no matter what, whether you know what you are doing or not. If he is able to drive you to tears, then he feels validated. (After all, you are obviously emotionally unstable.) If you screw up due to constant micro-management, then you can't take the heat. For him, it is a "win-win" toward his majot goal in life, which is to make himself feel superior. The fact that you are catching his errors and pointing them out calmly is just frustrating him and making him up the ante. The final analysis here is that you can either play his game, and hate yourself for acting like an overly sensitive, nervous little girl, or you can continue to be competent, scare the hell out of him, and get fired for a minor transgression. I am sorry, it is just that I know the drill. You should probably start looking for something else.
avid reader(08/18/2006)
You should never put up with someone talking to you that way, saying you're "not doing shit". So disrespectful! The more you put up with, the more they're going to treat you that way. If it's this way now, can you imagine five years worth? Being female, I have come across this type of treatment by men with high salaries (not saying that's always the case by any means) but they're out there and I know what it's like to be on the receiving end. I know you've been through a lot and I know how happy you were to get this job so I'm sure it must seem daunting to get back out there and look again, but I'm getting the feeling that that's gonna have to be the case. Good luck, cynic!!!
the cynic(08/18/2006)
Things have been coming up one after the other today. It seems to be just escalating. He asked me for a printout of something. I thought I was being impressive by going through the fancy motions of getting it done. Get the printing done and he tells me, "Why does it look like this? Why is it so blurry?" Plus, we were talking about confidential stuff all day, in our usual workspace, then I mention it again and he picks 4:00 on Friday to tell me, "Shhh, shh, you don't talk about confidential stuff in PUBLIC. I'm trusting you with a lot of information. You don't do that. You just don't." I apologize and he rolls his eyes. What changed from noon (when it was fine to discuss around these other people) to 4:00 (when I bring it up, and all of a sudden it's not)? I did not take this job to be treated like I'm 5. My guess is, since I plan to have kids, that a pregnancy will probably get me the boot, if not something long before that. Like I said, this is not looking good after 5 days of escalation.
the cynic(08/18/2006)
Avid--He uses the "F" bomb a lot too around me--"Get an f-ing printer! Get an f-ing rack for your f-ing folders!" I'm not one to be offended by swearing--my husband and sister swear like sailors--but something about it at work just seems inappropriate. Also have you guys ever noticed that the types who would make you upset will suddenly turn nice 2 hours later, so then you feel guilty for posting stuff like this about them? :P
BoneyardDiva(08/18/2006)
Wow, definitely keep up the job hunt & get out of there asap! Hopefully you'll get out soon enough that you won't have to list this job on your resume!
the cynic(08/18/2006)
Yeah--I mean it's not THAT bad compared to what I've been through in the past, but I just know how workplace abusers operate, and it seems like if it's like this now, it will only get worse. Nitpick after nitpick after nitpick. And this is in front of TEN PEOPLE (we don't have our own office--it's one of those open cubicle-by-cubicle type places). When he "corrects" me, about 10 people overhear it.
the cynic(08/18/2006)
It's kind of like with relationships. If your boyfriend is super critical and fault-finding now, it's likely that he'll be hitting you down the road. This is what I'm sensing, only with bosses it's yelling and firing, not hitting.
avid reader(08/18/2006)
Cynic, your last comment is DEAD ON. I think the recent post about the backstabbing evil boss from hell http://jobschmob.com/showArticle.cgi?id=1047 is the kind of person you're dealing with. And no no no, nobody shoud be swearing at you like that. I had a boss from hell like that for a few months who would drop F bombs and blow up and then would be all laughing and joking and spewing religious sermons shortly after a blowup. Heed the warning signs! Your gut is always right, listen to it!
the cynic(08/18/2006)
How long do y'all bet before it starts getting really bad? I give it til Thanksgiving. I might be generous.
C - -(08/18/2006)
These putdowns and shock-cussing are sexual turn-ons. I saw lawyers behave this way some years ago. It did not get any worse but it never got any better either. The pay was the only decent thing there. Compared to the stuff I've seen since, this was not the worst I've encountered.
cogs(08/18/2006)
If his manner changes at certain times of the day, there might be a medication issue. I don't know how that helps you but you might see a pattern.
M in Wisconsin(08/19/2006)
Your boss sounds like he's been under some stress lately. Catch him when he's having a good day and level with him. If you can't work things out, then start looking. But first, try to manage the situation.
the cynic(08/19/2006)
Well, he does travel a lot--2 trips in a month. The thing is, he's nicer to me long-distance when he's travelling than he is face to face. He's nice over the chat program (when he uses it) and the phone and email, it's just when we're working in the same office that he gets EXTREMELY snippy--as detailed above.
Kristie(08/20/2006)
Get out! And I definitely would not try to have a baby and raise a family under these circumstances. This type of stress is not good for a baby in the womb or out of. Sit down and write down all the pros and cons of this job. Sounds to me like the cons will really stack up.
the cynic(08/21/2006)
He was back today...in a better mood, but again, heading out of town for a few days. I'm going to see how we work together for a straight week (which we haven't had yet due to the 2-offices-in-2-states thing). If Friday is any indication, we are going to have to have a talk.
Dharmadee(08/21/2006)
Do you think he might be nicer when he is out of town because there are other people listening when he calls in? I am getting the feeling he is a big phony who lets down his guard with you, when he thinks no one else is around.
the cynic(08/21/2006)
Dee--His boss is in that other town. That's probably a dead giveaway. :-) Also he was nice when a colleague down there came up for my training. She works in the same office with his boss (of whom he is very afraid, might I ask. He goes running to the phone like a racehorse and says "Ohmigod" anytime I tell him his boss is on the phone." Something is up.
C - -(08/22/2006)
Unfortunately we will never find the perfect place to have a baby. Times change, people change, bosses change. -- Stick to you time table to have a family. The biological clock waits for no-one. It ticks even faster when stressed.
Dharmadee(08/22/2006)
Well, his boss might be an even bigger jerk than he is...and then he takes his anxieties out on you. The you-know-what always rolls downhill, always. If the company is run by jerks, it will be jerks in power all the way down. It is kind of a rule. I am sticking with my first impression - keep looking.
the cynic(08/23/2006)
Dee--I'll definitely keep resumes out there. C--Oh don't worry, no WAY am I going to let these people decide if and when I have kids. We're going to stick to the plan no matter what, I'm just nervous about telling them when the time comes.
Freedomringer(08/23/2006)
I would take pleasure in telling them. They don't own you and can not tell you when you should reproduce. Best wishes Cynic! Start preparing now for your little one, they will change your perspective on everything!
M. in Wisconsin(08/24/2006)
Looks like you've solved the mysrtery of Boss Jekyl/Hyde. Yup, looks like you've got to start looking again.
Jujubees (08/18/2006)
It sounds like he is insecure and you threaten him some how. I'm not sure this job is worth it or fixable. Give it another couple of weeks and see if he backs down off of you. Document everything he accuses you of not doing or not done correctly. He may be passive/agressive and it's obovious he's into power and control. You probably aren't submisive enough for him. 's
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