By claudia
Why do so many women bosses say "that's okay" when you make a mistake, and then report you ANYWAY?
For the last few jobs I've had, I've occasionally royally screwed up. For instance. I was supposed to email everyone in the office about a surprise party, but have the IT guy take the birthday person's name off the list. IT guy said it was done, so I sent it. Birthday person got the email. Was this my fault? No. I apologized profusely to my boss, who said "That's okay, don't worry about it."
Enter my review 4 months later:
"Your handling of that email in September was COMPLETELY unacceptable. Do you know what a surprise party is? Why would you do that? And there were several complaints about you."
So you told me it was "okay" why???
Another job: I was assisting a teacher with young kids in a school. We were doing an activity and one of the kids got hurt. I took her aside and asked if she wanted to go to the nurse. Said no. I sat with her for a while and she swore up and down that she was okay, so I took her back to her class and then told our supervisor. Supervisor said that's fine, you handled it great.
Enter my review 6 months later, in front of both our bosses:
"Your handling of that child in October was completely unacceptable! Taking a child back to class when they are hurt and humiliated is the epitome of cruelty. How dare you? You don't even have any common sense!"
So you told me "I handled it great"...why again???
Why does this happen, and why almost always with women? Why be nice to my face when you are really angry with me? How does that help me learn? Why can't you just be honest?
Read 4 Replies | Add a Reply
By Freedomringer:Because women are often more cruel then men are. Women lack power so they are often at the mercy of those in power and this teaches women to be subversive in the way they deal with mistakes or incompetence. Women like other minorities, have to work harder to prove themselves, fight harder for a position. This leads to infighting with other women. If women would stop all the cattiness and infighting, we would truly rule the world and men would be at our mercy. Hopefully one day this will come to pass and all the men better behave or zapp or snip snip!
By claudia:True. Maybe because women are socialized to always be "nice" too?
By the confessor:As I've indicated in some of my Professional Confessional blogs, this kind of thing also sets up an implied threat to ANY (including bosses) that might want to cross her. In other words, screw with me and the first indication of trouble will be a written warning from your boss...there will be no other warning given. Unfortunately, this sets up a no prisoners situation that becomes very vicious and personal.
By HaveADamnNiceDay:Being a woman, I see this going on all the time and it really ticks me off. I had women bosses who would do that kind of crap too. One of my last female bosses did something similar to me too! I was getting behind on the filing, and I said to her that I was, and expressed concern because I was being handed all these projects, and was losing my filing time. I asked for help (after all, she SAID "If you need any help, come ask me! The only stupid question is the one not asked!")When I did that, she said not to worry about the filing and just concentrate on the projects that people were giving me. So, I did as she said. Then, one of the principals at the office sees the giant stacks of filing under my desk (that I've been told to forget about), and runs to my boss and complains about it. She brings in a part-timer to help get it done, and acts like it's MY fault because it wasn't getting done--after she said "It's okay, don't worry about it". UGH.
Add a Reply
