and I? Need to be more compassionate?

I am now in a CS position with a chance to excel. I do TRY to be compassionate but there is ONE guy that drives me batty! it is an office wide problem and everyone has tried to deal with him. Dilbert DANCES at his desk in front of the CEO while he is interviewing ppl, gives out wrong information to clients, talks over ppl, is condescending to the new workers, has done everything but full out physically sexually harass the female workers ( all expect me for some reason, I think he knows better), and this past week FELL asleep at his desk. He is so underproductive and has actually asked ME why ppl don't like him, why he keeps getting called into the Bosses office and what he is doing wrong. I told him what I saw, since he asked me.. and he ARGUED with me, and NO changes were made. Another co-worker and I were talking about it, and a project manager who is not over us but is Mid management made a comment that " I need to be more compassionate If i ever want to be a manager". Am I crazy? I have tried to ignore it, deal with it on my own, talk to the boss about it, talk to HIM about it, all of it and NOTHING helps... and I get slammed from a higher up.. am I missing something?

POST A COMMENTsecondchance1974(12/01/2007)
LMAO... U really think so? I thot it was just me... He HAS had mngmnt experience and I haven't.. and all I could think was and I told as well was that he had come into the situation LATE in the game and didn't see or go thru what I or the other workers had.... so...

But I was REALLY put off by it and it has botherd me all weekend... he and I have a generrly good relationship.. and I didn't think that was fair... PLUS he said it in front of anther co-worker of mine... so U think I was right and I'm just being too hard on myself? or does what he said have some merit?

Btw... SO glad I found this site...

Bookwoman(12/02/2007)
sounds to me like the mgr who told you to be more compassionate has that quality lacking himself, to say such a thing about a situation he has no first hand knowledge of. Stop setting yourself up to give weight to someone's words based on their position or title. He may have mgmnt "experience" but his people skills show as sorely lacking. Hang in there with the wack-a-doo co-worker; surely HIS days are numbered.

secondchance1974(12/02/2007)
Thank You Bookworm! I really needed to hear that..-SC

CK(12/03/2007)
As you move up into management one must increase their peoples skills and lose some of their technical skills. Obviously that hasn't worked for this person!

the confessor(12/03/2007)
Love the part about Dilbert dancin' at the desk...
Check out "Dancin' Fools" in my Professional Confessional archives here.
This is one of the reasons I love this site-you fully realize that the crap you've witnessed or been through is NOT unique and in fact may be a way of diagnosing sick workplaces and/or co-workers.

WalkingInMyOwnShoes(12/03/2007)


A friend of mine was in a similar situation while dealing with a volunteer. She also got the more compassionate phrase rehash by so-called trained administrators. Exasperated she finally blurted out: "It's easy to feel noble if you don't have to deal with it ..."
And I got the... if you would only walk a mile in her shoes...speech.

Before you can take any action investigate what makes Dancing Dilbert feel secure enough to act that way. Any preferential status, family connections or other protective ties? Very careful sleuthing is recommender. Maybe you can proceed, maybe not. Giving him a good recommendation and getting him transfered may be an option. In that case enhance his reputation a bit and don't complain about him any further.

SouthernProgrammer(12/05/2007)
I wonder if your co-worker is a high functioning autistic? There are certain ranges of autism that meet the symptoms of what you describe.

A:) Gives out incorrect information (they do so because they BELIEVE the information is correct)

B:) Dilbert Dancing - (they do not understand what type of behavior is inappropriate - inability to pick up on social cues)

C:) Harrassment - (See above)

If this is indeed the case, yelling at the guy or getting mad won't help but will simply make him worse as he seriously can't understand what he did wrong. You have to talk to him gently and tell him firmly and without malice why [insert bad behavior here] was inappropriate. Eventually they learn.

dontask 0 (12/05/2007)
SP
even if this is the case, who has the time, patience and training to deal with this in a work related setting? I would feel sorry for the person, but most disabled people can be trained by professionals to become productive workers.

As a new worker bee I was thrown into a situation of dealing with several young disabled beginners. Some had been trained, but would hold on stubbornly to their training, no matter what the situation required. Others wanted to fulfill the high expectations their parents/caretakers had for them and could not.

One summer I explaining and demonstrated the same simple task every day, every morning and again after lunch. The person still could not remember what to do how and when. I was still required to do a larger volume of work. "After all I had help"! The next summer her social worker was surprised when my supervisor turned her down after asking staff. The surprised social worker said: "...but she has DONE this work before."

SouthernProgrammer(12/05/2007)
I agree, it would be very difficult. However if he truly has this problem it is protected by the ADA.

secondchance1974(12/06/2007)
as far as I know... he is NOT disabled...Nor does he have Ausburgers or Autism.. tho I had thot that.... He is a college graduate and like me has held a previous job in the Mental health profession ...when questioned He just admits to being " socially inept" and just doesn't care.....

Unfortunately... since Im not his manager... I do all I can to help him.. but its really not up to me...and he is Very argumentative and has let me know that he doesn't see an issue.. so... I just try not to let it affect me as best I can...

and Just to be clear on how ridiculous he is... when i say dancing at his desk..I mean Standing up at his open cubicle and dancing with arms out, hips swaying.. to NO Music...!!lmao...and he sits across from me.. Lucky ME!!

SouthernProgrammer(12/06/2007)
Aspergers! That's the word I was trying to remember. Based on what you are saying, it sounds like the guy is just a bit of a nut. I worked with a guy like that before, once during a meeting with the department chair the guy suddenly opened his briefcase and pulled out a pair of handcuffs and a large army style shortwave-cd radio and began fiddling with it DURING THE MEETING. Our boss stared at him with open mouth and the department chair said "What the he**? Are you a CIA agent or something? Put that away!" A real nutjob who fortunately moved onto another company. Maybe you got him?

secondchance1974(12/08/2007)
LOL.. Maybe we did....u never know... thanks for all the advice guys!

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JobSchmobber Community Comments
dumber than a catbox full of sh*t (12/01/2007) Go to the A-hole who told you you need to be more compassionate and invite him to take on this troublesome co-worker.