If you take a long time, you're slow. BUT if your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

If you don't do it, you're lazy. BUT if your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

If you make a mistake, you're an idiot. BUT if your boss makes a mistake, he's 'only human'.

If you're on a day off sick, you're 'always' sick. BUT if your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

If you take a stand, you're being bull-headed. BUT if your boss does it, he's being firm.

If you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude. BUT if your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

If you please your boss, you're ass-kissing. BUT if your boss please his boss, he's being co-operative.

If you do something without being told, you're overstepping your authority. BUT if your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

If you're out of the office, you're wandering around. BUT if your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

If you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview. BUT if your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.