I'd like to hear your feedback regarding something I've witnessed a couple of times...
After successfully leaving an abusive workplace, it sometime happens that some of the jerks you left behind have this strange compulsion to try to come up and talk to you in public, even though it's clear that you left because of them. With big smiles they'll come out of nowhere, say, in the grocery store and make small talk just like nothing happened.
If you walk away, they'll call after you and may even follow. No doubt they wish for you to yell or swear at them, especially in a public place, because it shows that you are the aggressor, not them.
This usually occurs when you have escaped the clutches of a bully or workplace mob by resigning to take a better position elsewhere. If you've visited a site like bullyonline.org, you've kept lots of notes corroborating their abusive and conniving ways and have forwarded them to a much-higher-up. Keep in mind that HR is probably unable or unwilling to deal with these kind of problems in the first place, so just giving them a copy won't help.
Without being able to experience the joy that bullies have in destroying your career and getting you fired, some may foolishly try these kind of tactics to get your goat.
If you work in a building that has no security or in a store, they may come in. Usually they just glare at you, and will only come in if they think you're alone. Documentation and informing the powers that be what's going on may just be the start of a police investigation (stalking, harassment), or litigation.
Why do they take these risks? In effect, they see you as being just too good and important, and will try whatever to cause trouble. After all, they've felt inadequate and unloved their whole life! This is why these behaviors are so unacceptable: if someone is willing to attack a co-worker simply because they are knowledgeable, caring, and slow to anger, what will they do to others they encounter in life?
the confessor(07/31/2009)
This may help. Visit bullyonline.org for much more!
Despite the facade that such people put up, bullies have low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and thus feel insecure. Low self-esteem is a factor highlighted by all studies of bullying. Because such people are inadequate and unable to fulfil the duties and obligations of their position (but have no hesitation in accepting salary), they fear being revealed. This fear of exposure often borders on paranoia.
Bullies are seething with resentment, bitterness, hatred and anger, and often have wide-ranging prejudices as a vehicle for dumping their anger onto others. Bullies are driven by jealousy and envy. Rejection (which cannot be assuaged) is another powerful motivator of bullying.
Bullies are people who have not learned the lesson of consequences, ie that if they behave well there are good consequences (reward), but if they behave badly there are bad consequences (restriction, sanction, punishment, etc). Since childhood, bullies have learnt that they can avoid the unpleasant consequences of bad behaviour through the instinctive response of denial, blame, and feigning victimhood.
HaveADamnNiceDay(07/31/2009)
Confessor, have you ever considered being a workplace behavior consultant? I'll bet you could make buku bucks consulting companies on how to make their workers more productive by firing the ones that cause all the trouble!
the confessor(08/01/2009)
Thanks for the words of praise. However, you need not fire most bullies. Once they know that the powers that be know who and what they are, they pretty much take off after making a bunch of final nasty comments. The sleazy secretary at the Radio Station From Hell literally drove out dozens of capable employees without consequence to her. When a new owner came in, he had done his homework and learned of her misdeeds. On day one of the takeover, he informed her that her job title was that of secretary and that she would be closely supervised with an extensive job description.
She resigned the next day. Twelve years of crap ended just like that.
the confessor(08/13/2009)
BTW, I have the utmost respective for office professionals and managers. I refer to two that I work with now as office goddesses and try to do as many nice things for them as I can.
The issue with this woman was that she had been hired to handle the office, billing, dailylogs, etc. and was well compensated.
On many days, most of the major office work was done fairly early, and the trouble would start. She had never been on-air, sold an account, ran a business, and had no additional training to do so. Yet she openly criticized and backstabbed others. She got away with it because she was involved with the divorced owner and was an expert at deception and mis-information. A classic serial bully.
dontask 0 :)(08/13/2009)
Bullies should be fired. Without exception they are sociopaths. Bullies should not be hired in the first place, they mimic feelings and compassion to the max and manipulate with trickery. Bullies create a very dangerous environment for all their coworkers and yes, even their bosses. Whenever I see another news report of a worker gone postal I check for certain facts. Was bullying involved? Is the business/company in financial difficulty?
the confessor(08/14/2009)
Nice comment! As much as I detest these kind of incidents, I always pause to thought when I hear the phrase "a supervisor and two others in adjoining offices".
the confessor(08/14/2009)
OK....the bottom line.... workplace bullying injures and can place innocents at risk. UNACCEPTABLE!!!
the confessor(08/14/2009)
whew..with one "c" please....
Printing Fool(05/01/2011)
I think these types of people are driven up a wall because they have no more control over you. It's their way of hanging on to that control and these types are so ego inflated that they still think they can pull it off. Just tell the jerk to jerk off and watch their eyes pop! What can they do to you? They have no more power over you, let them know it and shove it their stupid face.
LimitLine(10/25/2011)
If I were in public and an ex-coworker/bully/terrorist from hell approached me in the manner you describe, I would simply look them in the eyes and ask.."Do I know you?" If they persisted, I would simply add that they must have me confused with someone else. After all that work-place bullying entails and the damage it causes to the target, I wouldn't invest another nano-second. Besides, to shake the hand of people that low requires quite a reach...you may throw your back out...not worth it!
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JobSchmobber Community Comments
dontask 0 (07/24/2009)
Hi Confessor!
Glad to see you posting again. Finally. If bullies are following you they will try to follow you unto websites too.
I discourage mine by absolutely ignoring them, or treating them like strangers. This also means treating them like any other customer. They feed off any reaction, the more you have to involve others (HR, stalking unit, higher ups) the more gratifying satisfaction on their part.
The wife of a coworker followed me for years. She even changed her appearance. What a waste!
anonymous (07/24/2009)
How about the opposite? One of my tormentors was transferred to an "office" close to where I live. I did not know until I stood there selecting an item. Suddenly I heard her heels pounding the floor. She was running to the manager's office at ultimate speed. I finished and headed for checkout. Previous employees should be able to use a certain business' unique services without having to fear a harassment charge.
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