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Boeing management being outsourced.

Posted on 04/21/2005 by Mushishkabishalishdish Muhammed
Viewed: 452 times

I received this in an email from an unknown source.

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CHICAGO, Ill., - BOEING (NYSE: BA) today announced that the Office of President, CEO and Chairman will be outsourced as of October 31, the end of the fiscal year.

The move is being made to save $45 million in annual salary and benefits. Further savings in air travel are expected to add to Boeing's bottom line.

"At the end of the day, the cost savings will be quite significant" says Boeing board member, Executive Vice-President, and CFO Rob Highwayman, who, with the aid of Boeing's outsourcing arm, Boeing Services, has studied outsourcing extensively. "We simply can no longer afford this inefficiency and remain competitive in the world stage," Highwayman said.

Sanji Nahasapeemapartilan, 23, of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming the Office of President, Chairman and CEO as of October 31. He will receive a salary of $320 USD a month with proportionate benefits. Mr. Nahasapeemapartilan will maintain his office in India and will be working primarily at night, due to the time difference between the US and India. "I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Nahasapeemapartilan stated in an exclusive interview. "I always knew that my career at the Boeing call center would lead to great things." A Boeing spokesperson noted that Mr. Nahasapeemapartilan has extensive experience in public speaking and has been given Mr. Stonecipher's Script Tree to enable him to answer any question without having to understand the issue.

Mr. Stonecipher, 68, has announced that he will join the faculty of the Stanford School of Business, specializing in medieval business and the related subject of employee motivation. No one at the Stanford School of Business was available for comment.

The Boeing board continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including Boeing's more than 1,200 vice presidents.

In an unrelated news item it was learned that Boeing was selling five corporate jets complete with passengers thought to be board members and Boeing executives. While the value of the content was not thought to be significant, it is believed that their accumulated air-miles could be used to facilitate additional outsourcing initiatives.

Boeing employees were in a somber mood after the announcement. Company announced that counselors will be available all week to help employees get through the difficult time.

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Disclaimer: Just because someone will probably think it is... this is not a real news story. It is just a fake story poking fun at this hell we are all living through.

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