Home > Penny Profundo
November 29, 2005
Posted on 12/02/2005 by Penny Profundo
Viewed: 303 times
Paycheck Nonsense
Today, aside from a few small companies or those that just haven't moved up with the times, the majority of corporations have direct deposit payroll. Direct deposit is a smart concept and makes payroll, expense reimbursements and stock dividends convenient and easy to manage. Employees can delegate their pay into one or several bank accounts with the click of a button. And sometime during the night, while we are soundly sleeping—or possibly lying awake worrying about money—the funds will automatically appear in our accounts available for withdraw the next morning.
Payroll isn't what it used to be, and thinking of how times have changed gives me a moment to reflect on the days where I actually had to wait for my company check to clear in my account before I could get cash. Or better yet, the time I lost my check and I had to wait 4-6 weeks for payroll to reissue. Direct deposit has changed our payroll process immensely. And I believe it's for the better.
With direct deposit, companies are legally required to issue a receipt of the check. Usually companies send these via email or post mail, or in a rare case some companies like mine actually hand deliver them with a personal touch.
Previous companies I have worked for all opted for the less personal touch. In fact, at my last company (a Fortune 500), the company declared payroll receipts a waste of resources and only produced them in the employee web portal. The portal was impossible to gain access to because the password expired every 30 days and my password list on my unorganized post-it got so long I eventually gave up.
At my current company I was surprised by the manual method of delivery. The first time I received an envelope from, of all people the CFO. To me, it was comparable to police officers obeying traffic laws, or President Bush actually writing his own speech. In my career in the corporate world, it was unfathomable that anyone actually ever saw the CFO—also known as the man behind the green curtain— let alone a hand delivery by Uncle Sam's slave himself!
Now after several hand deliveries the process has become irrelevant. Mr. CFO knows me by name, and I have found that as long as my internet bank statement matches up, I no longer even open the envelope. In fact, while cleaning my car out yesterday, I counted six unopened envelopes. (Accountants and anal-retentive ones: you may stop cringing: I shredded them after I finished vacuuming. But after writing this I'm thinking maybe I should have opened them).
It is quite possible that Uncle Sam cancelled all taxes months ago and Mr. CFO forgot to adjust my pay, and I have been foolishly robbed of money because I have been too lazy to open my receipts. But this is highly doubtful. Knowing this will never happen, I revert back to my theory that matching the number on my bank statement is an adequate check for accuracy and there is no need to disappoint myself on a bi-weekly basis by opening the envelope that holds my payroll receipt.
Personally, I don't open the envelopes because it depresses me to see the itemized deductions. To think that 33% of my gross pay is taken for incidentals such as state taxes, federal tax, Medicare, social security (laugh), healthcare, dental, life insurance, AD&D, XYZ…and then an additional 10% is allocated for flexible spending, pension, 401K…. My head hurts just thinking about it. Not to mention our paychecks display the dismal vacation allotment for the year. Analyzing a payroll receipt is comparable to having to go to the dentist. And how many people actually do that on schedule? Why rub in the fact that over 40% of my pay is deducted before I even get my check stub delivered by Mr. CFO? At least our government is more creative than phone companies and hotels; you never see ‘other tax' listed as a payroll deduction.
All of these deductions certainly make payroll from my first job, a car-hop delivering root-beer and ice cream to car windows, much simpler. I got paid $1.00 per hour, and at the end of a 30 hour work week my check was written for $21.53. We must all be amused when we look at our social security summary statements that arrive annually. My first year of employment brags a total income of $321. I guess I can't complain anymore, at least my credit to government ratio is actually higher now that I have a real job that pays more.
I find it amusing though, to watch other people get their checks from Mr. CFO. They rip into it like a Christmas present, like they are expecting a different number each time. Did I miss the fact that we get a raise every 2 weeks or something? Because they make it seem that way.
Maybe they get excited to see if Uncle Sam still knows they exist, or at least their 9 digit 'SS' number continues to filter money into government funds to buy hammers and toilet seats on surplus funding. Did I pay for President Bush's newest fishing rod? Probably.
Now that I think about it, it is quite possible that my company may have incorporated a payroll crossword puzzle on the stubs and I'd have no idea. Maybe this is why people are getting excited. I wouldn't know, but maybe next week I'll actually open my envelope and see what's changed before I put the receipt through the shredder.
That's my 2¢ Worth,
Penny Profundo
JobSchmobber Community Comments
|
|
| There are no comments on this story. |
Get rid of 'em if they know where the bodiComments (2)
I want a cubicle at homeComments (5)
40 Years - For What?Comments (5)
My Bimbo ManagerComments (67)
FIRED, for posting a JOKE from my home, onComments (1)
Where do you think...slave driver!Comments (12)
Change your vacation just because I say soComments (12)
Parker Hannifin you have some BAD BOSSESComments (3)
 |
What You're Talkin' About: The Most Recent Comments
|
|
|
view comments (0)
e-mail story
post a comment
tell your story