Shouldn't the norms apply equally?

I work at a Silicon Valley company and there's a diverse workforce at my company.

I have a coworker, "S", who is Indian. She's arrogant and patronizing and I don't like dealing with her but I am professional towards her.

A few months ago, she and her husband bought a house and had a house-warming party. She invited some of the people in our group. But they were all Indian. She only invited her Indian coworkers to her housewarming party. No whites or Asians.

"S" only socializes with other Indians; with Asians or whites like me, she does not socialize with us. That's OK with me. I support the right or freedom to associate with anyone you want. Just be professional at work because I'm at the office primarily to work and get a paycheck, not primarily to socialize.

A few weeks ago, I had a Super Bowl party at my house. I invited a few coworkers. Since "S" does not like football, I did not invite her. I did not invite any of my Indian coworkers, not because I wanted to exclude them but because they have never shown interest in football. Most of the coworkers I invited were also men, because I invited the ones who liked football.

"S" found out about the party and complained to my manager so that it came across as if I excluded Indians. Mind you, there was an Indian (male) at my SB party but he was not a current coworker but a former one (who works at another company). There were also Chinese, Korean, and Hispanics at my party, as well as white people.

I didn't hold a "whites-only" party.

Now, I support "S" and other Indians to socialize among themselves and exclude me. That's fine. But why is it that when I exclude them, it's viewed as being racist?

I don't understand how the various ethnic cliques at my company (Russians, Indians, Chinese) are tolerated but if whites formed a little social clique at work, we'd be viewed as racist.

Why doesn't the norms of race apply equally to all races? Why didn't "S" get dinged for only inviting Indian coworkers to her house warming party but I did for not inviting Indian coworkers who don't even like football?

POST A COMMENTBonusOnus(02/19/2012)
My manager did bring it up with me. She's not Indian though so she advised me to invite everyone next time to look like I wasn't being exclusionary.

I didn't retort to her that she should give the same advice to my Indian coworker "S" either. I suspect "S" is just doing the Indian thing and trying to cause trouble behind my back.

However, what bugs me the most is that Indians like my coworkers can socialize only amongst themselves or the Chinese or Russians can form their own exclusionary ethnic cliques without any ramifications. But if I formed a "white Americans only" clique, we'd be in trouble. What's wrong with this picture?


Office Drone(03/20/2012)
'the picture' is what is wrong. Anything White or Christian cannot be tolerated, too racist, not P.C. It sucks and it's wrong, you're not. Wonder if you had invited 'them' if any of them would have come???

Itstheeconomystupid(05/08/2012)
I have been following your stories. Please stop lamenting and do your work. There are plenty of countries out there willing to send their brightest, dumbest and average to eat you lunch. Fast forward ten years and forget your boat, parties and the false sense of entitlement driven by maxing out on credit cards. This will bite you. Bye now.

don-task (05/10/2012)
... boats? parties? sense of entitlement? credit-cards? And Where Have You Been for the last 10 years?
To be treated as a human being and with dignity at a job should not even be an issue, but right now it's priceless.


BonusOnus(05/15/2013)
Hey itstheeconomystupid,

I do my work. And I am painfully aware of the situation in other countries where they can only dream of things that we here take for granted.

I've travelled a lot too, not just to 1st world countries in Europe but places like India. I know what it's like. I know people in other countries would die to get a chance to switch places with me. Mexicans risk death by crossing our borders through deserts. Chinese risk death by being sealed in containers on container ships.

However, the reason so many bright/dumb/average Indians is because our country is one that provides opportunities. And we can do this because we have a unique culture, especially in the Silicon Valley. One of them is that we try to hire or work with the best and brightest, no matter what race or nationality they are. The other is that we "mix" racially. We do not have ethnic cliques or ethnic ghettoes.

When Indians come over here because they can't make a decent living in India, I expect them to adopt to our culture, not try to impose their culture on us non-Indians. That means they shouldn't just socialize themselves while complaining if we do the same. That means hiring the best and brightest, not just other Indians (which I have seen way too often). They shouldn't treat those subordinate to them like they do their servants, as they do in India. They should leave their racism and prejudices in India.

That's only fair.

about job(05/27/2013)
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JobSchmobber Community Comments
wageslave (02/18/2012) Did your manager actually address this with you? Do all these people know you are allowed to invite anyone you want to your OWN house? I feel bad for you, you have ridiculous co-workers.