Bad Lady Bosses

I see a lot of complaints on here from time to time about women as supervisors and then the inevitable arguments about sexism. I'm a woman and I definitely see a pattern myself. There are a lot of women who have no sense of professional boundaries. Right now I'm working for a family-owned business and the wife in this unholy trinity of pain has sees herself as some sort of motherbear when it comes to the employees. (All but two of the employees here (me and and another woman) are in their early twenties.)

It's irksome when your boss makes declarations that the business is 'like a family' but it's *painful* when they actually believe this crap. What you end up with is someone who feels no problem with weaseling details about your personal life out of you and then broadcasting your problems at the next morning meeting. "Bill's taking a few days off to deal with his wife, who's fallen off the wagon again. Why shouldn't everyone know this? We're *family*!" They ask personal questions, give opinions on your personal life outside of work, make jokes about their own personal life and then in the next breath they TEAR OFF YOUR HEAD AND THROW INTO THE WASTEBASKET because of your job performance.

And the hugging! WTF? You're only there because of the money, she can fire you on whim (and has stated so on many occasions) and you have to accept this violation of your personal space because, well, what are you going to say? "Back off, boss lady, you're creeping me out?"

Can a boss and an employee ever be friends? I don't know, I've never seen it happen. It's like expecting prostitutes to make friends with their clients.

No one here appreciates being fussed at as if they were children, even if they are the same age as her son. And I would dearly love it if I never had to accept another hug from a boss ever again. So, if anyone reading this ever has the good fortune to become a supervisor, please, please, please keep your hands to yourself!

POST A COMMENTCK(01/28/2009)
Boy if they are THAT nosey I would give them something to REALLY talk about!

As to the "hugging" ... If they just come up to you and give you a "hug" before being invited to do so then I would waould say something like "I appriciate that! My doctor told me that I shouldn't get that close to anyone for a while because of this rash I have. He said it is contagious for a while but I can see you really care about me. Wanta see the rash?!?"

And as to the gossip ... Don't you have a "brother" that is always in trouble with the law? And he needs a place to say. Tell them it will just be for a few days while things cool off. And tell them that you would REALLY appricate it because "we are sooo close and being 'family' and all!"

You get my drift!

BonusOnus(01/28/2009)
Since it's a family owned business, you have a different environment (I never worked in a family owned business BTW).

But couldn't you defer questions about your personal life?

If they ask you what your weekend was, couldn't you answer that "I didn't do much. Just cleaned the house, ran errands", etc.? If they persist, then say something like, "That's about it. I had a boring weekend."

I would never bring up personal issues at work. It's WORK - it's not my LIFE. My personal life and my work are separate environments.

I had an Indian coworker who would needle me about knowing all about my personal life - where I lived, my address (huh?!?), who my g/f was, where my parents lived, what did I do every weekend, how much I made, what my total savings were, etc. He also tried to invite himself to visit my house (I said no in a firm way).

He was just from India and thought that that was no problem. So maybe it was cultural. But then I heard that he was annoying even other Indians because he was so nosy.



SouthernProgrammer(01/28/2009)
Make up an outrageous home life with crazy neighbors that walk around naked and chase people with hatchets. I would have a BALL with this!

Let me start you out:

Nosy Boss: What did you do this weekend?

Me: Visited my wifes third cousin at the correction center. He has a problem with helium, he likes to get high on it you know? Well he crashed a kids birthday party and grabbed a helium canister from a clown making balloons and the parents called the cops. They were chasing him around and he was yelling in this really high pitched voice "Police Brutality! Police Brutality!" It was odd....

CK(01/28/2009)
SP - sounds like we are on the same page!!! I still say "go for it!!!" Freak 'em out with wild tales (while making YOUR life sound boring all around you). Maybe they are wanting excitement in their own life that they would want to live it through your eyes!

Just explain that all the crazy going around in "your life" that you envy their boring lives - then tell another crazy tale!

But one word of warning - keep your stories straight! Keep it low-key and in small sound-bytes ... adding a little more each week.

SouthernProgrammer(01/28/2009)
CK - Yep, we are on the same page!

Nosy Boss - What did you do this weekend?

Me: Well I spent Sunday trying to get back home. I went out partying with the guys on Friday and someone must have spiked my drink because one moment I was at a bar and the next thing I knew I was wearing a tutu outside a publix grocery store handing out daisies...

Bookwoman(01/28/2009)
TheSerf, sorry to hear about the crazies you have to put up - my sympathies, having worked for a VERY dysfunctional family business once.

CK and SP, you guys crack me up. I laughed out loud at your posts. And since today was pretty crappy for me, I REALLY needed a laugh.

BonusOnus(01/28/2009)
that would be great.

I would say something like

Boss: "How was your weekend?"

Me: "Weird boss weird. I went to a party and only had one glass of wine. But I think someone spiked the drink because I ended up at the Burning Man Festival as part of a piece of art."



CK(01/28/2009)
Gee boss, over the weekend I got pulled over by a cop and as mistaken for a wanted suspect for armed robbery. They threw me in jail for a while until they realised it was a mistaken identity. Boy! What a weekend! How was yours?

SouthernProgrammer(01/29/2009)
Wierd boss, I remember going home on Friday yet this morning I woke up lying in my bed in the same clothes clutching a briefcase full of money. Wierd, the last time this happened I woke up in an office in New York and people were calling me Bob....anyway I need to take a long lunch to deposit the money so how was YOUR weekend?



sympathetic reader(01/31/2009)
I am just curious, have you ever had a bad male boss?

anonymous(01/31/2009)
yes

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