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June 24, 2005
Posted on 06/24/2005 by Alotta Candor
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Dear Alotta,
Why is it that people think they are so important that they need to be short with you and run around like they are SOOOO busy that they don't have even a split second to devote to you? SPECIFICALLY, my boss. Every time I tell him I need to update him on something that he asked me to do or ask a question, he acts like he is running an hour late for a candlelight dinner with the Doublemint Twins. He is constantly moving...walking fast, shuffling papers, and generally "busy, busy, busy". When I do catch him (or corner him actually...) he snaps "make it quick" or repeats "quickly! quickly!". Alotta, I'm not a slow talker, I'm not a time mooch and don't have this problem with anyone else. I find myself trying to spit out what I wanted as fast as I can and then walking away thinking of details I forgot in my rush or others ways I would have worded things had I not felt so pressured. What's the best way to handle him?
- Tired of the charade
Dear Tired,
That would drive Alotta nuttier than a Baby Ruth smothered in peanut butter.
Unfortunately for you, this man obviously needs to feel like he is a VIP whose time is more valuable than his employees deserve. But alas, you cannot change him so you must take the parent/child approach. Instead of popping in on him in the middle of one of his "races", try scheduling his time. Send him a calendar invitation for 15 minutes when you need to speak with him. Or send him an e-mail asking that the two of you incorporate brief daily "end of the day" meetings to discuss any open issues that need his input. Scheduled time for questions and updates leaves you room to prepare and carefully word your issues and leaves him feeling like his time is important to you. If he refuses or reneges on the scheduled time, you may have to live with his quirks and take what you can get, learn to make executive decisions on his behalf or find a better job opportunity.
- Alotta, hopefully
Dear Alotta,
I have not seen my problem in your column yet so I am writing to see what you have to say. I think I have fallen in love with my boss. He doesn't know how I feel but I strongly suspect he will feel the same way. I am 28 and he is 32 and neither of us is married. I would like to date him but I am only afraid of what might happen if it doesn't work out. There are 4 other women on my team who report to him. There is an out-of-town conference coming up next month which all of us will attend. I had planned to tell him how I felt there, as it would allow me to see him in a more casual setting. I'm not asking you whether I should try to date him, because I have to follow my heart. I am asking if you think it could work while I still work there?
- In Love With the Boss
Dear In,
No, no, no, no, and no. Alotta realizes it's easier said than done, but it is imperative that you get a new job or a job transfer before entering into any kind of romantic involvement with a superior. Whether it works out or whether it doesn't, there will be a heavy price to pay. Please picture in your mind the following three scenarios:
Think of the awkwardness you will feel when he has to give you a "fair" performance review after you have broken up. Think of coming into work the next morning after a heated fight and being forced to take direction from him no matter how much of a horse's ass he was the night before. Think of the gossiping that will go on, the exclusion and the resentment you will feel from the other 4 women who work on your team when they find out you are "the boss' baby" (because they will find out).
And please do not proclaim your love at the conference. This will lead you directly to nothing but every situation described above (and possibly worse). It will take every ounce of maturity and self-respect you possess, but go there strictly to work. Stay away from the alcohol, his hotel room and anything but group meals. He’ll respect you more in the long run and any possible relationship you might have will stand a fighting chance.
- Alotta, firmly
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