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May 6, 2005

Posted on 05/10/2005 by Alotta Candor
Viewed: 202 times

Dear Alotta,

This might seem like a trivial thing to care about, but it is becoming a real thorn in my side. I brought a jar of peanuts to my office so that I could munch on them during work. It is one of those big wholesale size jars. My problem started one day last month when my boss came by to talk. While he was there, he saw the jar and asked if he could have some peanuts. I, of course, said "sure". Well he apparently took this as an open invitation to take peanuts whenever he wants. This past week he has been pretty sick, yet he still comes by and sticks his big germ ridden hands into my jar…eats some peanuts, licks his fingers and dives right back in for seconds. To top it off, he can’t even bother to re-close the lid when he’s done. As far as I am concerned, he can just keep the whole jar. Alotta, how do I get my boss to stop assaulting my nuts?

-- About to go Nutty

Dear About,

There are alotta jokes that come to mind here...but I digress. Ahem! Let's stick to the issue at hand. You want the "nut assaulting" to cease. Instead of a one day ticket, your boss obviously thinks he has a season pass to your, um, nuts. If this was a coworker, I would suggest some alternative measures, but since it is your boss, I'm afraid you're in a sticky situation. You're going to have to chalk the peanuts up as a total loss. If you insist on having the big jar, one approach would be to buy him his own jar. When you give it to him, tell him that you know how much he likes your, um, nuts and that, "surprise!" you thought of him when you were at the store. This could actually win you points in the long run. If you don't feel like spending the cash on him, you’re just gonna have to buy a smaller jar that you can keep in a drawer or some of those single serving packs that the wholesale stores have in stock. Since you can't revoke his pre-eminent peanut privileges, you're forced to make some creamy out of crunchy on your own.

-- Alotta, realistically

Dear Alotta,

How do you handle a coworker who insists on sharing every detail of her life with you? So far this year I have heard the intimate details of her colonoscopy, the in's and out's of her daughter's infertility problems, and the details of her battles with creditors (among other things). I have tried putting headphones on to curb her behavior, but she will walk right up to me and wave her hand in my face to get me to take them off and listen to her. I have also tried giving non-responsive short answers like "uh-huh", "oh well" and "yeah" but she somehow still thinks of me as some sort of confidant. She's a nice lady otherwise and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Alotta, I don't have time to listen to her and I am sick to death of hearing such personal things!

-- Too Much Information

Dear TMI,

While Alotta most certainly "pities the fool", she also believes in tough love. As such, she must be the one to tell you that your "non-responsive" answers are exactly the opposite. They may be short, but they are indeed quite responsive—at least to your coworker. She is looking for someone to tell all her "news" to and you have fit the bill nicely by listening to her and by acknowledging that you are listening to her. Since tuning her out and acting uninterested isn't working for you and you don't want to be friends, you must firmly negate her medical and financial expositions. Tell her you are too busy to talk or, if you're feeling brave, tell her you simply cannot stomach her detailed dramatizations. If you truly want to work in peace, the key here is to be firm and clear. Good luck!

-- Alotta, adamantly

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