Rev. Belevit, Chaplain of the Damn the Man Army™, speaks the truth to guide us all through the work day. Amen and Hallelujah!
Taking off the Gloves
Welcome back to the Holy Temple of Jobschmob all you parishioners of the Damn the Man Army!
Rev. Belevit here keeping the faith of Jobschmob. As you all know I love giving a good sermon, but today is just not the day for a sermon. Today is the day to "take off the gloves" and let these pompous, arrogant, stuffed-shirt, brown-nosing weasels of the Man know how we really feel (this is audience participation). That's right. It's time for you to let the upper echelon know just how valuable you are!
Don't you ever have those days when you want to walk up to the boss while
he/she's having a little tête-à-tête with one of the office cuties (and you know that a good conversation isn't the only thing they're trying to get into) grab them by the collar and scream "JUST WHAT THE ____ DO YOU DO HERE, ANYWAY? THE ONLY THING WE KNOW THAT YOU DO IS NAP IN YOUR OFFICE, BITCH, CHASE THE OFFICE PERSONNEL, PICK YOUR NOSE AND FART!!!" We all know that the doof in the corner office doesn't do squat. It's us, the underpaid, unappreciated, hard-working associates that do all of his/her work. Wouldn't you like, just once, to to take that nice, neatly typed, collated report (you know...the one that YOU did) that your boss was supposed to do for his/her big meeting with the higher-ups and stuff it in the shredder about 2 minutes before the meeting? Then you could sit back and watch the show as he/she goes into work-related convulsions in front of the board room. OR the next situation that he/she has a slide show presentation for the muckity-mucks, slide a couple of nudie pictures of an extremely obese, grotesque, semi-human being right in the middle of the slides in the projector. Hopefully, your boss doesn't have a heart condition or you'll be privy to watching a full-grown adult rip their clothes to shreds looking for the nitroglycerin pills that they left on the bedside table.
Wouldn't it be great if one of your close blood relatives got hired in as one of the corporate officers? You could have them meet you at your cubicle, stroll casually by your boss's office, and leave for lunch. You'd find out just how much saliva the back of your slacks could hold from all the butt-smoochin' that your boss
would be doing to get on your good side.
Heeeeyyy!!!! This is for those in the congregation whose boss shows them a
little too much attention (if you know what I mean). If you have a boss that's touchy-feely and likes to put his hand on your shoulder while he speaks with you, take a few sewing needles and slide them into the hem on the shoulder of your blouse/shirt (just where the tips are peeking through). Let's see how amorous ole' "Grabby" is when he's squealing like a pig and has blood on the cuff of his nice $500.00 shirt. Maybe you've got the boss that constantly makes innuendos about sleeping with you. Next time this happens just reach down, pat your privates and say "I think it would be o.k.. The doctor said I could after six weeks as long as I kept taking my medication and didn't drink."
Thanks for coming to Temple today. We here at Jobschmob appreciate you even though your employer doesn't.
Disclaimer: Obviously "The Rev" is not an ordained minister of any kind and is not affiliated with any church or place of worship. The Rev. Ken U. Belevit persona is done in satire and jest strictly for JobSchmob.com.
post a commentold Nurse(04/06/2006)
ROFL you are a riot, the world needs more people like you. Keep up the good work and give us an update once in awhile.
vanilla ginger(04/06/2006)
Thanks again, Reverend for the words of inspiration. I look forward to your sermons to keep me sane. XOXOX Vanilla Ginger
Nubi1(04/06/2006)
You made me shoot coffee out my nose.
maddad(04/06/2006)
DUDE...YOU ROCK!!!! I think about sh_t like this all the time. You just put it into words. Thanks and don't stop.
ettubrute'(04/09/2006)
You should write a jobschmob constitution or something. Excellent
the cynic(04/11/2006)
Not only do they do nothing, they are never ever in, and mysteriously are on "vacation" for much longer than the normal, allotted 2 weeks. It's incredible sometimes: "This has to be approved by such and such, but he's OUT this week, and he MIGHT be out for the next 2 weeks...." Two months later: "Such and such is on vacation for the next 2 weeks..." and so on and so forth. Amazingly, these are the same types who generally will qvetch about the underlings taking even ONE day off to be sick, or something.
the cynic(04/12/2006)
The temp also doesn't get benefits, so that's a huge expense the company saves.I work as a consultant too (permanent with the firm, but I just am not on their payroll), and they are doing it to save on the benefits. Luckily I'm married and get benefits through my husband, but some single folks get royally screwed over by this "permatemp" trend. Still, you should fight for the raise you deserve though. Are you making the right amount as compared to other permanent employees at the company?
TheNewGuy(04/12/2006)
Hallejuah brother...don't we know each other?
cynic(04/12/2006)
Hmm. It seems I posted on the wrong damn story. Please disregard my last comment; it was intended for another post.
whatthe...? (04/06/2006)
Are you totally insane or what? I've been to bunches of these kind of web sites and you are by far the funniest writer on any of them. Keep on keepin' on rev.
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