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How do I tell my co-worker about his flatulence prob?
Posted on 01/09/2006 by cnubelevit
Viewed: 381 times
This is the Rev. Cnubelevit, and I am in a predicament. The associate in the cube next to mine is a really good guy, good work attire, great attitude...one problem though..this guy's odiferous eminations from his posterior are atrocious. I'll be typing a document or filing or something and all of the sudden he'll rip a 190 decibel squealer that'll make you want to hork up your lunch. NO, I am not overdramatizing, the "aroma" is akin to a rotten egg mixed with 2 parts dirty sweat socks and a dash of Linberger cheese for good measure. It's not really the smell that will get you, IT'S THE BURNING SENSATION IN YOUR EYES that does it. Sometimes....there's no sound...I'll be working on a project and then....BLINDSIDED...WHAM!, a H.A.B. (homicidal air-biscuit) will recon my cube and I nearly pass-out. I keep thinking that maybe he has some life-threatening colon problem and I really don't want to say anything, but then another olfactory destroying missile will permeate my work space and I just want to order him a lifetime supply of BEAN-O. I don't want to offend him, but at this rate I don't know if I'll be able to taste food in another week. HELP ME!!! (No...really....help me. I need a suggestion...please...now...hurry.)
Spencer(01/09/2006)
No suggestion sorry...but you made me spit my OJ reading it...freakin hilarious!
SouthernProgrammer(01/09/2006)
One day, I was in my lab when the Facilities Manager dropped in to use the phone. He got a page from a secretary in another area who reported a very odd odor. He said (perfectly serious) "Maybe someone had a bodily function". He paused and then repeated it and then said "Ok, I'll come check it out!". He hung up the phone, looked and me and said "I have a college degree yet I am on my way to go smell to see if someone farted!". He left while I set there helplessly laughing...
Brutus(01/09/2006)
Dude...LOL...you gotta stop. I laughed so hard my boss came in and wanted to know what was going on. I showed him your article and he almost peed himself laughing.
 corporateSlave(01/10/2006)
cnube...I'm always a fan... On another note...does anyone notice that the ad on this story is uh...fishy? LOL
 cnubelevit(01/10/2006)
Coporate slave, I could've said gas-x...pepto...or a freakin' butt plug. LOL
SouthenProgrammer(01/10/2006)
Hey CNU, It took a while but I found an item I once heard about on a radio show. Order one for your co-worker... http://www.gasbgon.com/
tiredofbeingyourmomma(01/10/2006)
Why isn't there a product like odoreaters for underwear? Maybe a chair pad? It would be a great gift item from Secret Santa. My coworkers just spray air neutralizer. We work around some...well, organic end products at times. Turtlenecks pulled over the lower part of the face are pretty effective.
SouthernProgrammer(01/10/2006)
Tired...check the link I posted, it IS odoreaters...for the chair!
cnubelevit(01/10/2006)
Southernprogrammer...EUREKA! You are the bomb. I wonder if they sell those in gift packs?
SouthernProgrammer(01/11/2006)
CNU - Read the testimonials, they are hilarious!
tiredofbeingyourmomma(01/11/2006)
Well I am just loving this! Aren't you the resourceful bunch?! Chuckle on...
cnubelevit(01/11/2006)
Resourceful ain't the word, t.o.b.y. mamma.
 Managethis(01/12/2006)
O.M.G. this guy sounds exactely like the guy that sits across the isle from me. I have to take an "air" break about every 30 minutes or so.
 HaveADamnNiceDay(01/26/2006)
Buy him a can of Oust and leave it on his desk Monday morning. Every day for the rest of the week, leave air-sanitizing doo-dads on his desk in the morning before he arrives, like plug-ins, more aerosol, scented candles, incense... By Friday he should get the message. ^_^ If he still doesn't get the message, hang a skunk tail on the back of his chair...
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