I think he is crazy...

So I am sitting in a conference room by myself, preparing for a meeting when I here a mild argument outside the door.

A few months back I posted a story detailing how an employee ("Doug") from the front would answer the questions spoken loudly by another employee when he was on the phone. Apparently this same employee was being moved to another section due to the entire department being moved to another area.

The object of the argument is Doug is being moved into the cubicle of an engineer named "Carl" who left the company.

Picture this, the IT guy is moving Dougs PC into the new cubicle while Doug is protesting to his manager that his phone number has not been moved over and he is answering calls for the engineer who has LEFT the company.

IT guy: We are very busy and can't move your phone number until next week! (walks off).

Doug: I MUST have my phone number! The contacts I use have my old phone number and I will miss calls plus I keep getting phone calls from vendors asking for Carl!

Manager: Just bear with the situation.

At that moment the phone rings, Doug picks up the phone and says (I am crying here)

Hello? No I'm sorry Carl left the company and had that operation he had been wanting, he would like to be called Carla now, would you like her new phone number?
OK bye!



I dropped the marker I was holding in the conference room and turned around and saw Dougs manager standing there bug-eyed while looking at Doug who was sitting calmly in his chair arranging his books.

Manager: You...you...what did you do!?!?!?

Doug: What?

Manager: You can't say things like that! What if it came back Carls old company was telling people that?

Doug: What are you talking about? Are you feeling ok?

Manager: YOU JUST SAID CARL HAD A SEX-CHANGE OPERATION!?!?

Doug: What? No I didn't!

Manager: YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!!!

At that moment, the phone rang again.

Hello? No I'm sorry Carl ran screaming out of the building two weeks ago and we haven't seen him since. May I take a message? Ok Bye!



At this point I had to sit down I was laughing so hard. "Doug" kept working away calmly while the manager stood there with an open mouth.

Manager: YOU DID IT AGAIN!

Doug: What?

Manager: YOU CAN'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT!!!

Doug: What in the world are you talking about? Are you feeling ok?

Manager: I see your game now! You..

At this point, as if there is a cosmic joker somewhere, the phone rang again and the manager LEAPED into the cubicle and grabbed the phone.

Manager: GIVE ME THAT!!! HELLO!...HELLO! Oh..they hung up.

The manager then hung up the phone and made a phone call.

Manager: Switch Dougs old number to this phone NOW! I don't care! Switch it NOW and I will talk to your boss!

At that point the manager left shaking his head while muttering something about lawsuits and insanity.

I looked at Doug who kept working, he then looked at me and winked, pulled a cell phone out from somewhere and put it on the desk.

I think I found a new hero.

POST A COMMENTFreedomringer(06/21/2007)
Please tell me this is a true story! Doug will be my new hero. I wish I could think of things like that!!! Too funny! My favorite response was that he left the building screaming and we have not seen him since!!! SP, thank you! Your stories and blog have made some of my worst moments better. It is better to laugh than cry. Awesome!

SouthernProgrammer(06/21/2007)
I kid you not, that is a TRUE story!

SouthernProgrammer(06/21/2007)
PS - Freedom Thank you for the kind comments.

the confessor(06/21/2007)
What's really amazing is that the boss would suggest that the phone situation was acceptable. Again, the apparent joy of seeing destructive business behaviors (loss of clients because they are calling the wrong number) and chaos (seeing the engineer sweat because the phones are screwed up) makes me question the REAL motives of the supervisor!!

BPFH(06/21/2007)
To quote Wayne and Garth: "We're not worthy! We're not worthy!" :)

avid reader(06/22/2007)
This is HILARIOUS! I'm going to a barbecue this weekend and I will be sure to use this story! LONG LIVE DOUG! LONG LIVE DOUG!

SouthernProgrammer(06/22/2007)
I have yet to figure out if "Doug" is truly deranged or a demented genius. For the most part he is quiet yet sociable and comes up with very hilarious quips. He was at a cafeteria table the other day when someone mentioned an Uncle died, Doug kept eating and mentioned his Uncle had died last week. He kept eating and then said his uncle used to write questions for those standardized tests used in math, he kept eating and after a moment said his uncle was diving up a mountain at 60 mph when he was hit by a train heading for Chicago traveling the opposite direction at 60 mph. It took a moment to realize he was joking.

I am beginning to think he is working on a whole different level than anyone else.

Freedomringer(06/24/2007)
Is Doug single??? That is soooo funny! He has quite a sense of humor, it is quirky and intelligent! I like it! Ha Ha!

Liquid(12/26/2007)
I am laughing so hard and am reminded how grateful I am to work for and by myself....well, not true, now I wish I were holding a marker in a confrence room somewhere..........I LOVE DOUG! (and you for posting this!!!)

Skip(12/28/2007)
"Doug" is my new hero.....

I made a manager turn purple and spit all over himself once.

Our dept. had our annual lunch out one day, paid for by the big boss.

Big boss was going home afterwards, which meant that the other fellow was technically in charge.

This guy was your basic tool... totally inept with people, but you had better by golly step to his tune.

So as we were leaving, I said to the 65 year old soon-to-be retired guy from our dept. "Hey, let's hit the strip club on the way back." He said "o.k." and with that, we left.

We were ahead of the rest of the fellas by a few minutes, so I asked my buddy if it was ok if we drove around the industrial park while I smoked a cigarette. (I was the only smoker in the building) He said "sure" so we cruised around the park in my vehicle and I smoked a cig.

When we got back, all the fellas had made their way back to the shop.

The middle manager wonk was waiting for us when we returned.

him: What took you guys so long?
me: we drove around while I smoked a cigarette

him:DONT LIE TO ME YOU S.O.B. I KNOW YOU GUYS WENT TO THE STRIP CLUB!
me (laughing)No, man, we drove around the industrial park and I had a smoke.

him: You're lying to me, and I am going to get you fired.
me: Give it your best shot, cowboy...

I actually had to go through arbitration with HR for this.
The old fella thought that it was the funniest dang thing he had ever seen done to anyone...

moral...
Don't take yourself too seriously, as there is most likely someone nearby who can yank your chain until it chokes you.

Peace

it2051229(12/29/2007)
sweet!

Allison(12/29/2007)
That's awesome.

atlanta800(01/05/2008)
Wow, great story, one of the best I've read in a long time. I don't think anyone could make that kind of stuff up, pure gold.

Oh, and you've officially been stumbled (I stumbled here). Hope you enjoy the traffic!

SouthernProgrammer(01/05/2008)
I've been stumbled? Cool! Thanks a lot!

HaveADamnNiceDay(01/05/2008)
SP this story is so funny I had to read it to my husband! We both fell on the floor crying with laughter!!!!
I swear you should gather your work stories together and write a book.....

wendoze(01/06/2008)
Another stumbler. Enjoy the fame!
i'm in love with Doug too!

sueper(01/09/2008)
I stumbled too :O)
I think Doug would fit in well at my place of work, my supervisor is just like that too.
Skips comment had me in stitches too.

the confessor(01/10/2008)
This reminds me of the conversation I once had with our anal retentive bean-counter boss after we had shipped out a nondescript piece of equipment that the contract engineer had been too lazy to take care of.
"What kind of equipment was it?" he asked.
"I don't know" I replied.
"Why don't you know?"
"Because I'm not an engineer."
"And why is that?"
"I don't know".
"So you don't know why you don't know what you don't know??"
"No."
"And why is that?"
"I don't know..."
I then turned this idiot over to the gerneral manager and told him I would never accept another call from this jerk!

anonymous(01/10/2008)
Jerk is right, conceited and condescending.

Stumbler(03/14/2008)
Stumbled!

drgn(03/22/2008)
very interesting stories you all have here i think stumble is getting smarter

Lolz(04/06/2008)
Wow, now if I could see that happen without having someone get fired, thats just awesome!!

sarcalogus(02/10/2009)
Oh man this is so brilliant. I'll definitely keep this in mind the next time i want to prank somebody.

Rabbit(06/10/2010)
Long live Doug, stumbled this, love it, more, more more.

Summer(06/13/2010)
OMG! Thank you for the best laugh I have had so far this year. I stumbled this with my husband this morning and I must say, This guy is a genius. Pure Genius. Thank you.

FLOWER41(06/22/2010)
that was the funniest story iv ever read about the work place!hilarious!!!!

ohmygod(08/17/2010)
do you think you can go through and fix the grammar mistakes so you don't make yourself look like an idiot to more people?

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