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Middle Mangement Cheat Sheet


Hey all you real and prospective Middle Managers! Have dreams of that next big promotion? Want that sweet parking spot or that window office? Are your idols, Bill Lumburgh, David Brent and Michael Scott?

We, at JobSchmob.com, feel your desire and want to help you make it! We’d just hate to see you peak too early, so we’ve put together a list to help you be the best damn middle manager you can be. Trust us, you don’t need a workshop to tell you what we can tell you in 18 easy steps!


  1. Practice your “serious” voice.
  2. Attend workshops on “managing people and resources”.
  3. Frame and hang the meaningless workshop attendance certificates all over your office walls.
  4. Stop being friends with anyone who does not manage people. Count these peons as “acquaintances” instead.
  5. Start hanging around people who are strictly at or above your level.
  6. Take up golf.
  7. Learn to hide your true feelings on issues.
  8. Learn to love selling out.
  9. Add cryptic business words with no real meaning to your vocabulary.
  10. Use the word “goals” at least once a day.
  11. Leave expensive car pamphlets laying around your office so people can see “how well you’re doing these days”.
  12. Come in to work sick to show how dedicated you are.
  13. Know the exact number of levels and titles between you and the CEO by heart.
  14. Neglect your family life so you can put in more hours as expected.
  15. Prove you can be trusted by learning to keep company secrets no matter how illegal, unethical, or morally wrong they are.
  16. Learn the art of outsourcing, downsizing or laying people off while pretending as if you believe it’s a good thing for them.
  17. Buy and carry a briefcase even if you have nothing to put in it.
  18. Pat yourself on the back at least once a week.