Where We Try to Resolve (not Absolve) Workplace Wickedness
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Freedomringer(08/22/2006)
Like I said, you have hit the nail squarely on the head. Why do other women do this? I dont know! Insecurity? Anger? Frustration? Women are truly more aggressive than men, maybe not physically aggressive, but emotionally aggressive and their target; other women!!!! I just don't understand!!! What happend to sisterhood? It just brings me back to the human animal model and we are truly lower primates! There are a few books on the subject of female aggression, maybe I should look them up and read a few, so that I can deal with it better.
 Dharmadee(08/22/2006)
I have been thinking of writing a book about this myself. There is definitely a certain type of female, who rises to power in the male dominated workplace environment, and who attacks other women with impunity, and gets away with it. She may use feminine wiles, in private, but acts out in public with what appears to be masculine (or what is known as Management Style) techniques. There is almost no recourse for another woman who is being subjected to these techniques, as the male management types do not recognize what she is doing, and tend to side with her-as she is typically able to convince them in a smirking "male buddy" way that is is the "inferior" woman's problem. I call it the "Alpha Female Syndrome".
avid reader(08/23/2006)
This is MOST DEFINATELY the case. I don't know what it is, it's like they get power hungry or think they have more to prove or something? All the women bosses I have come in contact with actively try to keep other women down. It's like they feel like they worked hard to get where they are and don't want ANY OTHER WOMAN coming up there. I don't understand it. We should be helping each other out and giving hands up to each other. It's like high school though, cattiness. And the "popular girls" putting down the non-popular girls to make themselves look even better or something. I've always sais I will never work for a woman boss again. I've had two women bosses. One who was transferred to be my boss and who hated me from the get-go. She meade a big deal at a company dinner one time, asking everyone to give her their height and weight so she could calculate their BMI (Body Mass Index) based on this height and weight formula. She was entering it into her Blackberry to calculate. Anyway, I didn't want to do it because I knew it would be low and she made a big thing about how I have to do it and when I told her the numbers her eyes got real narrow and she made seriously catty comments how how young and thin I was. I did not appreciate it and from then on she made things really hard for me---even sitting on my desk once so she could lambast me where all the cubicles could hear it. Ugh. Never again!
TMMurphy(08/23/2006)
My wife also insists she will never work for a woman. I never understood it in the begining but maybe I see it now.
just me(08/23/2006)
Good post. I've been hearing this a lot lately too. I saw an article about this lately but I can't remember where. But it said that it was a on the rise too. I wonder why?
 the cynic(08/23/2006)
I'd say it's largely a woman thing. Yes, men do abuse each other (My husband has had 2 b-tchy male bosses and I currently have one), but not to the same degree. One thing I've noticed is this: A man will say, "Don't do this. Do it this way next time, mkay?" and walk away. The woman boss throws in a personal jab at the end: "Don't do it this way. Do it that way. Use common sense" or "Be responsible; do your job, get a grip," etc. I read a book at Barnes/Noble once called Women's Hostility to Women, although I can't find it online. It addressed this issue. You'll also notice that male bosses who are abusive tend to work by the "female" model, like mine who is totally nitpicky and makes things personal rather than just technical.
Dharmadee(08/23/2006)
I really think it is about how these "bully" women believe they have to identify themselves with male authority figures. They abandon other women, and will actively turn on them, in order to show the male authority figures that they are "on board with the program" to "get the job done" (yadayadayada), implying that women are "wimps", then-they will use female cattiness behind everyone's back. It is like the WORST of both worlds. Nothing will change until the attributes that are considered "feminine" are actually honored in the workplace. You know, little things like caring, real concern, and genuine understanding about another person's family, etc. Right now, all those things are thought of as "weaknesses".
the cynic(08/24/2006)
I blame "1970's feminism" (as opposed to today's feminism which is more rational) as well as the male workplace mentality. The 1970's feminism said "You have to act like a male jack@ss to get ahead in the world, so have no mercy and step up the attitude or you'll be stuck in the kitchen." Male CEO's were all too happy to agree with them, so it is now expected that you be a jack@ss to move up the corporate ladder. Also that you don't focus too much on your family or anything besides work. That wonderful mentality (from the men and the male-minded oldschool feminists) also got us our 6-week maternity leaves as opposed to the full year the British get. Work like a man--if you want to be a mom, that's your problem to be dealt with after 5:00. I hope the influence of modern feminism--appreciating feminine characteristics as well as motherhood) will lead to change over the next 20 years or so.
Dharmadee(08/24/2006)
Hey Cynic-I sure hope you are right. I am glad to be a woman, I am thrilled to be a mom, and I do not understand a country that does not value women and their contributions to society. I have never had a desire to be a "pseudo-man", I just want to be respected for the woman I am! After all, where would the human race be without mothers? Oh- wait, maybe that is what those test-tubes are for! We have been warned about this for years, and somehow,(as a nation) we cannot get a clue.
the cynic(08/25/2006)
Dee--You should see what so many pregnant women go through at work, still...despite FMLA and other laws. It's pretty bad and they are often treated as if they did something wrong by getting pregnant or it's their own fault. Did you ever go through that? Luckily my company prides itself on "family-friendly" leave policies--you even get a year of infant care leave--but most of those policies are unpaid and you have to hope your boss approves you to use them anyway. I'm not sure about my boss yet.
Dharmadee(08/26/2006)
I heard about it from my sister-in-law, so I decided to be a "stay-at-home" mom at first, and worked out of the home for a few years, as a daycare provider. Now, unfortunately, that decision is being held against me at the workplace, as the assumption is that I was not dedicated to my career, and did not put motherhood on "hold". As far as I can tell, women are discrimated against so much that it has become an entrenched accepted business practice, that is not even addressed. It's like the emperor's new clothes...they keep SAYING that there are all kinds of opportunities, blah blah,blah. But it means nothing, and no one calls them on it. And the few women who DO make it, essentially by playing the "bully boy" game, keep their mouths shut about it, or worse-use their sell-out tactics as an "example" of how the workplace environment is "changing for women". B*llS**T! THEY have changed their behavior into masculine meanness with a female slant, to FIT the workplace.
gone4good(09/02/2006)
Most of those comments are right, as a female I watch it every day. Women that end up in those situations are usually batteling harder with themselves than anyone else, but can't admit it because it may seem weak, so simply act out to protect themselves and their position. I'd say insecurity, trying to be/do what they perceive is expected but not sure if they can live up to it. Fear that their efforts will pave the way for other women to have an easy ride and they will not have the recognition or respect, or may have to share it with others they feel don't deserve it as much. Aggressiveness is only part of the problem. Women are possesive and can be extremely aggressive defending what they think is theirs. But I think it boils down to women think emotionally, we know what hurts us and to protect ourselves mentally, we lash out at others in ways we know will have impact. Men don't tend to react emotionally so are not as effective of targets to vent at. off the wall example, you tell a man he talks louder to short people and he'll say really, hmm hadn't noticed. either he'll usually just file it away and the next time he deals with a short person he may notice and think wow they were right, and maybe try to correct it in future, or just think wow they were right and let it drop not worrying about it anymore, possibly bring it up to his buddies at some time as a funny so they could all laugh in future when they notice him doing it. A woman will freak out analizing it, how many people noticed this, have I offended anyone, I better make sure to correct that, oh my, what other things do I do when takling to people I don't realize, how are people perceiving me then, could this have held me back somehow, etc etc,. they will dwell on it, possibly asking friends if they had noticed it and is there anything else they may have noticed. A woman will cross reference it with any other input about herself and try to 'fix' it. This may be extreme example and somewhat generalized, but it's true. try it out on some people, watch the difference in how men and women react.
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