Being that I live in cubicleland, I sit at a desk that has short walls and no door. I have one or two coworkers who stop by my desk and make small talk while their eyes proceed to scan my monitor and take mental pictures of any papers I have laying around. One co-worker repeatedly uses my framed wedding picture as a cover for her antics. She reaches for the picture and raves about what a cute couple we are. On her way to pick it up she scans my desk and takes quick glances up at my screen. Another comes right on in and blatantly reads my screen (his eyes go back and forth!) while he pretends to ask me a question. Short of clearing my desk and shutting off my monitor, how do I get this to stop?
-- Pining for Privacy
Dear Pining,
Finding privacy in a cubicle is like finding Paris Hilton in a library…it ain't happenin'.
But alas you asked Alotta for advice and alotta advice you will get. If you want to send a clear MYOB message, you've got to fight back. And as Alotta learned in self-defense class…you should hit 'em below the belt. As such, when good old Nosey Rosey or Snooping Sam lets themselves into your cubicle and clearly scans your monitor, speak up. Say, "Would you like me to print you out a copy?" or "Why don't I just e-mail this to you when I'm done so you can read it as many times as you like." If it's actual paper their eyes are stuck on, quickly gather the papers up with a flourish, hand them to your little spy, and say "Here! Go ahead and take them back to your desk so you can get comfortable while you read them!" Alotta's instincts tell her that the person will be so flustered that it will not happen again. Either way, she recommends investing in one of those PC monitor rearview mirrors they make nowadays so you have advance notice when you're about to get bum rushed.
-- Alotta, supportively
Dear Alotta,
I have a problem with people taking my food. Every day I bring my lunch to work and put it in the community work refrigerator. This is the only refrigerator in a building of about 80 people. At least three times a week I will go to retrieve my lunch only to find it gone! One time the person opened the bag, took out what he wanted and left the rest. Another time the thief took my lunch and simply left me half of my twinkie. I have tried putting my name on the bag, taping the bag shut, hiding it behind other people's lunches and even resorted to checking on it every 30 minutes. I can't check up on everybody because there are a lot of us and we are spread out between floors. And please don't suggest a long stake out because the break room is two floors below me and hanging out down there all morning would get me fired. I don't have any enemies at work and keep pretty much to myself, but it sure seems like somebody is trying to make a game out of this or send me some sort of message. Alotta, I do not have the money to spend on take out everyday and am tired of eating Funions out of the vending machine for lunch! Please help!
-- Hungry Howie
Dear Hungry,
They bit into your Twinkie?? Say it isn't so! Boy…you apparently have a coworker (or boss for that matter) who's outta his ever-lovin' mind. What's the antidote for insanity? All together now: "Insanity!" Alotta hates to suggest fighting fire with fire where psychos are involved, but it's either that or starve. First things first, though. Find out if you are the only one. It may very well be that there is someone who cannot afford lunch and is taking food from everyone. If you find this to be the case, you have to let HR know so they can find a way to deal with it. If you find it's just you, since you have tried hiding and camouflaging your lunch, it's obvious that somebody is watching you depositing the goods. If you want to catch him, you won't need all morning. Simply put your sack in the fridge as you usually do. Then, pull a Pink Panther, walk out of the break room and stake it out for a few minutes. Your thief will no doubt come strolling along the minute he sees you leave so that he can check out today's lunch menu. If you're hesitant to catch him or he's stealthier than you, it's time to resort to desperate measures. Alotta is willing to bet that, given the right amount of frustration, anger and low blood sugar levels, one can get quite creative with Ex-Lax.
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