Note: The following questions have been previously published by Alotta but resurrected for a special Valentine's Day edition.
Dear Alotta,
I work in a small office with about 10 young women. Every time my husband and I get in a fight he sends me flowers at work the next day. This probably happens about every six weeks or so. I am not ungrateful, the flowers are always nice, but the problem is that all the women stop by my desk and gush about how beautiful they are and about what an amazing husband I have. And, on the occasions that he comes to the office, they all fawn over him because they think he's just a thoughtful man who likes to send flowers. He loves it and I really hate this! My husband is fine, but the flowers are always to make up for something he has done and it is getting harder and harder to stomach saying, "Oh yes, he's a good one all right" when one of these women raves about him. I tried asking him not to send anything anymore and lo and behold the next time we fought he outdid himself and sent four dozen red roses to my office! Alotta, how do I handle the flowers and these women?
- Not stopping to smell the roses
Dear Not,
Well my dear, I think you know that your main problem isn't a workplace problem. But you certainly have yourself what Alotta likes to call a workplace "spin-off" problem and that's the one you've asked her to address. As such, there are two ways you can approach this: You can address the flowers themselves, and nip it in the bud, by either discarding the flowers upon arrival or refusing to accept delivery in the first place. Or, you can address the women when they gush and let them know that the Magnolia they think you married is actually a Pansy. Hopefully they'll come to realize that when they smell flowers, they should look for a coffin. Alotta feels she needs to point out that, either way, eventually you're going to have to do some weeding in your own backyard.
- Alotta, metaphorically
Dear Alotta,
I have not seen my problem in your column yet so I am writing to see what you have to say. I think I have fallen in love with my boss. He doesn't know how I feel but I strongly suspect he will feel the same way. I am 28 and he is 32 and neither of us is married. I would like to date him but I am only afraid of what might happen if it doesn't work out. There are 4 other women on my team who report to him. There is an out-of-town conference coming up next month which all of us will attend. I had planned to tell him how I felt there, as it would allow me to see him in a more casual setting. I'm not asking you whether I should try to date him, because I have to follow my heart. I am asking if you think it could work while I still work there?
- In Love With the Boss
Dear In,
No, no, no, no, and no. Alotta realizes it's easier said than done, but it is imperative that you get a new job or a job transfer before entering into any kind of romantic involvement with a superior. Whether it works out or whether it doesn't, there will be a heavy price to pay. Please picture in your mind the following three scenarios:
Think of the awkwardness you will feel when he has to give you a "fair" performance review after you have broken up. Think of coming into work the next morning after a heated fight and being forced to take direction from him no matter how much of a horse's ass he was the night before. Think of the gossiping that will go on, the exclusion and the resentment you will feel from the other 4 women who work on your team when they find out you are "the boss' baby" (because they will find out).
And please do not proclaim your love at the conference. This will lead you directly to nothing but every situation described above (and possibly worse). It will take every ounce of maturity and self-respect you possess, but go there strictly to work. Stay away from the alcohol, his hotel room and anything but group meals. He’ll respect you more in the long run and any possible relationship you might have will stand a fighting chance.
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