My boss continually uses the word "we" to refer to me. It is so degrading! When she wants me to do something, she says things like, "We need to make sure we have the stats right on the hit report" or "We will probably have to work over time this weekend, won't we?" What she means is ME! And it can be in the mean sense too...like "We sure didn't wear our best pants suit for the meeting, now did we?" or "Can we speak a little louder? We shouldn't be shy when we're on a conference call." What am I? Her 4-year-old daughter? I don't know how to fix this. I feel like whatever I say will anger her. And anyway, how do you ask someone to break such an ingrained habit? I like my job otherwise but I am beginning to think it's not worth it. What should I do?
- Oui Oui
Dear Oui,
Oh! A "we" woman! Alotta hasn't met up with one of those since last week in line at Target where she watched an old hag of a woman berate a pretty 16 year-old-cashier for bagging her Preparation H in with her Wrigley's Spearmint Gum. Not fun.
In some cases, people like this have spent too much time around children and can't break the innocent habit. In other cases, people who use the "royal we" do so to show solidarity on a team. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like she's using the "royal we" but rather, what I'll call the "passive-aggressive-we". This woman's tactics are strictly to belittle you. This is apparent in the way that she criticizes your appearance and voice. Deep down, you may have already realized that her actions stem from a lack of self-esteem. It's obvious that the "we woman" doesn't feel good about herself. Sadly, in order to build herself up she depreciates everyone around her. Her snobby adoption of the word "we" is probably something that over time, she found to be a highly efficient tactic of disparaging people.
So what's the trick? Do not allow her tactic to be efficient with you. Pride yourself on your secret knowledge of the fact that she treats you this way because she thinks you're better than her. In this case, mama's old advice of "she's just jealous" applies perfectly. Do nothing more than pity her.
We wouldn't want to let her win, now would we?
- Alotta, knowingly
Dear Alotta,
I work at large RV dealership and we have a new Service Manager after not having anyone 7 months. He came in of course knowing everything. We have bumped heads several times in the last 2 months. He states flat out that he is a good people person and he knows just about everything in the business. But anyway, he has stated to me that if he were the person who interviewed me, he would not have hired me. Plus, he interviewed a new person for my partner (who is going back to school) and told me I had better watch out because this guy could take both of our positions. He is the rudest man. He interrupts me if I am with a customer or on the phone. How would I go about handling this man? I am not a person to go running to my boss, and whine about it. I have way too much work to get done. The icing on my cake was just today when he asks me if the customer has to sign the warranty form before the work is even started. Because I guess my old partner was doing so. So laughing a bit, I said, "No". My old partner who was standing right behind him was just there with his jaw on the ground. Well number one, if he knows everything why did he ask such an asinine question? And number two, you do not throw an employee under the bus like that when he is standing right there and so is a customer. It was rude. I walked away and went about my business when he came and met up with me in the middle of a 12 bay shop and asked me if I went and told my partner. I stated, "No, he was right behind you and that was really uncalled for". He told me that had been a problem with my partner and started yelling at me getting louder and louder, I told him I did not know that I tried to walk away, he wanted me to come back but I told him I needed to walk away so I did not lose it right now and he proceeded to tell me "The day is not over! The day is not over!" yelling 3 times!
- Frustrated & Stressed at Work.
Dear Frustrated,
Alotta cringes when she imagines the horrific sound made by the repeated cries of, "The day is not over!" echoed throughout a 12 bay shop. Not often is Alotta speechless, but when she read your e-mail, she could only blink at the screen and say "damn".
You appear to be doing your part. The fact that you walked away and told him why you were walking away shows professionalism. It will be hard, but you need to continue to maintain that attitude. You stand a better chance of winning out in the end if you are able to show restraint. It sounds like you have been there awhile and have no doubt built up a good reputation. Continue to be a Class A, and do not let this Class C ruin it for you.
Keep an open mind about out going to the boss. Going to the boss is not "whining" if you do it right. Many times a boss is removed from the situation and is not aware of unhappiness his new employee causes unless people tell him. Similar advice from last week's column applies here. Whatever you do, do not imply to the boss that he made a mistake in hiring this man. This is insulting and you'll shoot yourself in the foot. At the very least, document this man's actions. Keep your documentation in a place the Service Manager won't find it (like at home). If and when you do go to the boss, you'll have a serious list of complaints and won't sound like you're "just bitching". Besides which, he could be trailing you as well and you'll need your own supply of propane.
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