For the past two months my boss has roped me into working long hours with him. About ten minutes to five he comes around to my desk and gives me an assignment and asks me to get it done before I leave. He has also started calling impromptu meetings at about 4:30 that run until 6:30 and sometimes beyond. I don't know about him, but I have a life! It seems to be getting out of control. If I say I have to be somewhere, he protests and says whatever he needs to do or discuss is more important and says stuff like "Reschedule. Meet me in my office in 10 minutes" and just walks away before I can say anymore. And so I get stuck here at this stupid place. My wife is getting sick of it and says I should tell him off but I don't want to lose my job because I like what I do right now. So I say I have to suck it up and hope it passes. I told her I would tell him off if you said I should. What do you say?
- Sick of the pain in the boss-hind
Dear Sick,
Ha. Alotta's not taking responsibility for what you choose in life—but it sure won't stop her from telling you what to do.
That said, she thinks you should do neither. Sucking it up and hoping it passes will only sink you deeper into the neck-deep bull manure you're in. What does sucking it up accomplish? It simply proves to your boss that you're a good Little Buddy to his Skipper while sending the same message to your wife. And what does telling him off accomplish? It labels you as "difficult" and could land you a worse label than that in your HR file. You desperately need to lay down the law, but you need to do it in your actions and not in your words. Next time he pulls one of his fancy-pants stunts say, "Sorry, I can't. I have a dinner reservation." And when he protests, respond with, "I am really sorry, I wish I could help you but I can't." And then pack your stuff up and LEAVE. If he walks away after telling you to reschedule, stop into his office with your coat on to say you really have to go and are just stopping to say goodbye before you leave. If you're called into a 4:30 meeting that you know will run long, say, "That's fine but I have to leave by 5". And again, when the clock strikes 5 get up, excuse yourself and leave. There are a lot of excuses and creative ideas you can come up with that require your after work attention (maybe you joined a bowling league, maybe you enrolled for night classes, whatever...) The important thing is that you stick to your guns and actually get up and leave. You'll be happier in the end and your wife will respect you for it. If you're worried about what your boss will think, Alotta insists that you put more weight to what your wife and family will think. Good luck, Little Buddy.
- Alotta, matter-of-factly
Dear Alotta,
I work in a small office with 6 other people. The other 6 people love to go to lunch all the time. They depart about 11 and come back at about 1. I have always gone with them in the past but I don't want to anymore. There are two reasons for this. 1) My mother has fallen ill and I am spending a lot of money to help with her medical bills and to take care of her. I just don't have the money to spend on the out and about lunches. And 2) I've decided these people aren't my friends because they just don't seem to care about my situation. When I've tried hanging back for lunch and eating at the office alone, they make comments like "I know Bill pays you more than me and I have kids to feed...come on!" Or, my favorite, "We all know fluorescent light and tuna fish don't become you". Alotta, how do I get these jerks to quit nagging me and just leave me be?
- Just fine, thank you.
Dear Just,
Alotta thinks that you're probably not as fine as you think you are. What you're going through is rough and you have probably felt yourself withdrawing for some time now as a result of your personal issues. You most likely enjoy the "alone time" when they're gone—more than you need it financially. While it's true that the casual dismissal of your problems by your coworkers doesn't help, they probably mean well. They could be trying to distract you from your problems and coax you into going out to have a little fun. I am sure that they wouldn't feel right leaving you behind to eat "tuna ala fluorescents" while they carry on for 2 hours at the local Applebee's. Alotta knows that she herself wouldn't feel right about it. So, please don't mistake their pleas for your companionship as "nagging". While a little alone time can be a good thing when you're going through rough times, too much of it can be dangerous. Try to strike a deal with them and insist that you only join them on certain days and perhaps suggest a cheaper lunchtime locale. Consider your time out with them an investment in your mental health during these trying times.
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